


Your eyes

by WitchyV0id



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Kasumi Goto/Reader friendship, Shepard/Reader friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchyV0id/pseuds/WitchyV0id
Summary: 3rd person POV, Reader is referred to as she/her, non-Shepard reader (If you're here for smut, jump to chapter 7)You’re whoever you are, and you’ve joined Shepard’s crew aboard the SR-2 to stop the Collectors. You’ve become something of a close friend to Commander Shepard and may have caught feelings for them. (Shep's gender is left ambiguous) Unfortunately for you, Shepard has eyes for a certain turian vigilante, but hey, this story isn’t about them. It’s about you and Thane and the dangers of the mission, as seen from the eyes of an outsider.
Relationships: Thane Krios/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. The start of something new

An unusual stillness fell over the empty kitchen of the SR-2. The crew were all tucked away in their chambers, resting or talking about the day’s events. Even the lights of the Med Bay were dimmed, indicating that not even Dr. Chakwas was at her station.

She was glad no one could see her in such a state. Puffy eyes, hair and clothes in complete disarray. A mess, really. She didn’t need the looks of pity or the unnecessary and painful question ‘What’s wrong?’. No. She only needed a glass of cold water and some time. Some time to sort things out. Alone. That part was easy at least, since she thought no one knew how she felt. She kept it hidden, locked away. Out of sight, out of mind. Except when the feelings would resurface violently and erupt like a volcano. Like right now.

Head bowed and quietly sobbing into the sink, both hands resting beside the edges of it, she doesn’t hear the silent footsteps approaching her. Too preoccupied with her spiraling thoughts of Shepard and her own confusing feelings. The footsteps of the cautiously approaching Thane Krios cease, he stands frozen in place. The woman before him is the one that judged him for all his wrongdoings the day he stopped his son from stepping on the path of sin. Her once fiery gaze was now drowned in tears, head hung low and heavy with sorrow.

She’s been feeling on edge lately, making careful but not very covert snide remarks to Garrus Vakarian and politely pushing away everyone who questioned her sour mood. She only smiled when Shepard asked, the storm clouds hanging over her head evaporating at the sight of the Commander as her face relaxed. With a beaming gaze and the hint of a smile, she’d tell Shepard how everything was fine and she just needed some rest. That a nap would fix her up. A white lie to avoid worrying the Commander. He saw how her eyes lost their spark and how her legs would carry her around the ship without purpose. Only in battle she seemed alive. A raging whirlwind sweeping through enemies. A most unsettling change in behavior. He knew the reason behind it all.

Suddenly becoming painfully aware of his presence, her head shot up and a startled gasp left her lips. She pushed herself away from the sink in a swift motion and turned her gaze away from him, wiping the tears from her face. Desperately trying to make it seem like they weren’t there to begin with.

“Damn, you’re quiet. You should make more noise or you’ll give someone a heart attack.”

Her tone had a slight bite to it and an uncertain shake she tried to mask, he could still hear it though. This was a moment of weakness she wished no one would witness. Much less him. He knew what the woman thought about him. She called him a gutless coward and a poor excuse of a father while still wishing him success to save his son, though not for his own sake, but simply because Kolyat deserved better. He had to agree with her, he told himself all of these things and more. It was nothing new. And yet, hearing someone else utter those words aloud cut even deeper. The look she gave him that day sent a jolt of shock down his spine. Her eyes filled with scorching ire, blame and so, so many questions. He felt small even if he was standing taller than her. Even though her mind seemed occupied and uncertain at the moment, he could still sense that she would have preferred anyone but him finding her like this.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

Of course she did, he thought, but the words left his mouth before he could rephrase the question.

“No.”

Her reply came almost too quickly as she washed her tear-stained hands and turned around, ready to leave without drying them. He knew she carried a great many burdens, and not all of them her own. She was much like him, and didn’t leave her room frequently to socialize with others, but he knew that Shepard visited her just like the rest of them. Shepard always made sure to check on everyone, to talk to them and ease their solitude, but sometimes people forgot to do the same for the Commander. She didn’t. She told him and Vakarian that Shepard had a tendency to hold onto everything, and rather than adding to Shepard’s emotional cargo further, she preferred to ask and listen to everything the Commander had to say. No doubt a roundabout way of telling the two to do the same every once in a while. He wondered whether she herself shared her thoughts with anyone.

“If you need someone to talk to-” but he couldn’t finish. She looked back at him and began speaking quietly, her tone now withdrawn and empty. 

“Perhaps you should focus your energy on your son to make things right, and mind your own business. I’ll do the same as well.” Ah, he knew she’d push away, but he still had to ask. He wished she’d at least talk to Shepard, but he knew that won’t happen.

“Sometimes strength isn’t about holding our emotions at bay, but sharing our weakness with others, however difficult it may be.” His words seemed to catch her attention as she raised one eyebrow at him questioningly.

“True, but I don’t see why you would bother.”

Her statement was expected. They weren’t on the friendliest terms after all. Of course there was no ongoing animosity between them, she simply voiced her opinion of him and they never talked about it anymore. Few words were exchanged between them even before Kolyat’s attempt at assassination - aside from the usual pleasantries that is - even less afterwards. He was aware of her presence and they passed each other aboard the Normandy more than once, but neither spared as much as a second glance. Both too lost in their own thoughts to notice the other. That was until he was caught in her eyes like a trapped varren, desperate to escape. He felt as if he was standing underneath a spotlight, all of his shame on display for everyone to see. It was then and there, where he truly saw her for the first time and began paying more attention to her unconsciously.

On rare occasions when she was having her meals at the same time he was, he’d find himself observing her closely, listening to her talking with others. He had seen the pang of jealousy in her eyes as Garrus recalled all the time he spent with Shepard years ago and when he would ask specific things about human relationships once he and the Commander became closer. She would deflect his clumsy questions half-heartedly and leave shortly after, her initial friendly disposition towards the turian dissipating and a polite tolerance taking its place. Garrus was none the wiser to see this change, such nuance seemed to be lost on him. Perhaps that was for the better. She couldn’t exactly blame either of them for falling for each other. Garrus has been there for Shepard for far longer than her.

During shuttle rides, Thane could see how she tried to be casual and disciplined while Shepard spoke, careful to contain herself and not let anything slip even if her eyes had a longing glint to them.

He came to adore those eyes. They told him everything she was hiding so carefully. As the humans would say, the eyes truly were a window to the soul.

He’s never realized just how aware of her he was until now. He wanted to let her know, but-

“You intrigue me.”

The words escaped him once more.

His body tensed as he watched her carefully. Her eyes found the floor as a thoughtful expression crossed her face. She seemed unsure and deep in thought, and he began to wonder whether it was a mistake to speak his mind.

A few agonizing seconds later she met his eyes again seemingly ready to respond, but deciding against it in the end. He got one last incredulous look before she turned around and headed for the elevator without a word, leaving him in the dimly lit kitchen. Alone once more.


	2. The prelude and the aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened? What could have possibly led to such a confession? Find out in this chapter.

She retreated to her room hastily after the encounter, and if she wasn’t feeling sleepless before, now it was definitely sure she wasn’t going to get even a minute of restful sleep. It was all so surreal and his words rang in her mind endlessly.

"You intrigue me."

Sitting down onto her bed a heavy sight escaped her lips. She wanted to understand why Thane of all people would say something like this, and to her no less. Someone who was less than kind to him. He didn’t seem to be the kind of man who’d say such things easily. The thought of him messing with her did cross her mind, but he surely has much better things to do than to get back at her in such a juvenile manner.

The need to remember and analyze her interactions with the drell overwhelmed her. She must have missed something that led to this moment. Surely she has.

~~~

The last time they spoke was a few weeks ago, when he got word of what his son was about to do. The mission only required Shepard and Thane in the end, plus the cooperation of Captain Bailey and C-Sec, but she was still around while they gathered information on Kolyat’s target and the person who ordered the hit. She was patiently listening from the sidelines, waiting for the pair to finish talking to Mouse.

She knew very little of Thane and his life. She never bothered to ask. ‘Assassins are not very complicated’, she thought. Meet contact, acquire target, fulfill contract by murder. Easy enough for someone who has the stomach to kill just about anyone regardless of their moral standing. Apparently, Thane was one such man and somehow that didn’t make him appear in a more favorable light at all. Of course she was missing many of the puzzle pieces here. Like how she never knew he had a son until yesterday. Someone was forgiving enough to love a man who kills without distinction if he’s told to do so. The world was truly strange.

In hindsight her words seem awfully skewed now. Shepard had told her a few things about him since then, not that she cared to know any of it previously. It may have been better not to learn those things, but it was probably an attempt at trying to diffuse the situation by making her understand Thane’s point of view a bit more. Not that it needed diffusing in the first place, it would never deteriorate further. She was done with that conversation, and with him. He was part of the team, and as such had to be tolerated, but that was the extent to what she could do for him. Nevertheless, Shepard, ever the peacekeeper, was relentless and in the end she learned certain things about him. Like how he was raised by the hanar and trained as an assassin from a young age, and how this was pretty much all he knew of the world around him. Seemed like an awfully meaningless life to her, having others make all the decisions for you as if you lacked free will, and being used as a tool. According to Shepard, Thane even referred to himself as such. It’s hard to believe that anyone would think of living such a life as great honor. Senseless, all of it. Willingly giving away children to be trained as assassins, stripping them of the opportunity of a healthy and happy childhood. A fate like that can lead to no fully functional adult and Thane is a prime example of that. Life scars us all in different ways.

She knows these things now, but at that moment when she first snapped at him, she didn’t. These major differences in their culture flew right by her head and she never bothered to look deeper into why exactly Thane would do the things he had done. Perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Just because she knows, doesn’t mean she has to accept it as well, right? It’s just easier to understand now. But that day? That day when he admitted to abandoning his own son, who was now about to ruin his own life, Thane just looked like a dying coward with a filthy conscience, ready to save face. A man hopelessly scrambling to lighten his soul before the end. She thought his reasons were selfish and wanted to let him know how much of a hypocrite he was, how he failed to calculate the consequences of his negligence which culminated in this unfortunate situation. For the first time since joining the Normandy crew, she abandoned her cautious and reserved manner and let her words flow freely without filter. Words that were meant to tear at him. And she didn’t even understand why.

Shepard had just told him it was not his fault, and like a saint, he said he had to hold himself accountable. That was the last push, she couldn’t stay silent any longer.

“How hypocritical of you. Leaving your son behind only to return now. Must have been one long journey finding that backbone.” Her voice was low but bitter. She didn’t want passersby to notice the conversation, but she wanted him to hear every word. Of course she wouldn’t support his son’s decision, but it was clear to her now where it was coming from. They never mentioned the possible motive during the debriefing on the shuttle, for good reason it seems.

“He faces a dark path.” That much was evident, she wasn’t debating it.

“If only he had a good example to follow, huh?” She felt her mood sink further as she faced him, and her tone mirrored that clearly. It was dripping with venom. And Shepard of all people told him just a few seconds ago how it wasn’t his fault. There was no one left who was more at fault than Thane. No one!

“I left to protect him. To make sure that he would never be pursued by the people who killed his mother.” A sound argument at first glance, but severely flawed at the second. At least he seemed to think it was the right choice, as his answer held a hint of resistance.

“You leaving isn’t the biggest and only problem. It’s the fact you never returned until now.” Her jaw was clenched now and her eyes fixed on the male. His gaze was distant, almost as if a thick mist was obscuring his view. Perhaps she caught him off guard but his silence only angered her more and not waiting for a reply, she continued.

“Has it ever occurred to you that your son would have a different idea of why you left? Have you even stopped to think how it must have felt to him to lose not only his mother, but father as well? Have you put so little faith in him that you’ve never considered returning to explain everything to him? You were fine leaving him in the dark all these years, but now that he’s doing the only thing he can to understand you better, you decide to return!”

Her voice was louder by the end than she would’ve liked, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. There was no need to draw too much attention to themselves. She wasn’t even sure why she felt so affected, both Thane and his son were strangers to her. She couldn’t even attach a face to the latter, but here she was, getting worked up over something that wasn’t even her concern.

She took one more breath and glanced at Shepard, half-expecting the Commander to step in and say something in Thane’s favor like before. Instead she met Shepard’s surprised eyes as they darted cautiously between Thane and her. There would be no fighting, no, Shepard didn’t need to worry about that, but she would still bury Thane with her words. “It’s almost as if the only reason you’re here now is to clear your conscience.”

“I wanted him to choose a different future, away from all the suffering I’ve caused. For him to live a better life than what I could have given him.” His voice was almost too quiet to hear, his tone somber and remorseful. Her eyes met his once more.

“And so you decided to cause more suffering by leaving and never returning? So he could only guess why you left? Maybe even feel unwanted or responsible for it? You never gave him the chance to understand your reasons, you never asked him what he wanted and what would have made him happy. You weren’t even there when he needed you the most! You hid like a gutless coward instead and would have died knowing that you were unworthy of being called a father!” There was little keeping her volume in check now as she hissed the last words, running out of breath as she finished.

The few concerned glances of the people around them made her snap out of her frenzy. Suddenly she felt more self-conscious than before. She glanced around uneasily before turning back to Thane one last time, careful not to be too loud this time.

“It may not be obvious to you, but it’s certainly not rocket science either. Your son may have accidentally found the only way to successfully draw your attention to himself. Just think about how sad this is. Had he not decided to go through with this, you’d have never come here at all. It may not be his end goal to meet you, but I’m sure he hopes to gain an understanding of you at least. For his sake, I hope you can intervene in time and provide him solace. He deserved better.”

There was nothing else she could or wanted to say. She felt drained of nearly all emotion, save for a drop of guilt. She didn’t even know what she felt guilty for, it was certainly not for Thane. No. You reap what you sow, right? Right. She felt somewhat sorry for Shepard for having to witness this conversation, sure, but that wasn’t it either. Perhaps it was the fact that she’d never shown so much of herself so publicly. A selfish reason, but who wants to make a fool of themselves in front of a crowd? Especially knowing how this whole issue had nothing to do with her. If only she managed to take her own advice and mind her business and stew about it alone, when no one was looking. She needed to leave. And right now. She looked up at Shepard, almost begging the Commander with her eyes to break the deafening silence and thankfully, Shepard delivered.

“Come on, we’re wasting time. Let’s go back to Bailey.”

~~~

She spent the rest of the time sitting on a bench not too far from Bailey’s office where Shepard and Thane conducted their impromptu interrogation. The waiting was killing her, sitting alone and overthinking her previous outburst wasn’t proving very productive. She needed to sleep, or cry, or both. Anything to purge her system.

The pained expression of Thane also haunted her more than she’d like to admit. The man made many mistakes, and paid for most of them. Now it was a possibility that he’d lose the only thing left that he may have held dear to his heart. It really wasn’t her place to lash out at him. Of course Shepard’s coddling of him also rubbed her the wrong way, for more reasons than one.

So, so selfish.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she saw Shepard return, Thane and another drell, his son, being escorted behind her by Bailey and his men. She didn’t even realize they moved on from the interrogation. Just how much time has passed?

Thane and Kolyat were led into a separate room, while Shepard and Bailey discussed whatever happened and may come next. She breathed a sigh of relief as her eyes met Shepard’s. They were all alive and seemingly well at the very least.

Bailey and the Commander continued talking for what seemed like an agonizingly long time before Shepard joined her. She spoke before the Commander could.

“Reunited at last. Did it go well?”

“Better than expected. We arrived before Kolyat could fulfill the contract. Bailey offered to provide a room for the two of them to catch up and… sort things out. They’ve been in there for a while now, we’ll leave once they’re done.”

She listened but was somehow still distracted by how easily Shepard could solve problems. Attempted assassination, finding a ship that was lost a decade ago and saving its surviving crew, infiltrating a known criminal’s home to steal something, and the list goes on and on. It never ceased to amaze her how Shepard managed to succeed at nearly everything. No wonder people put so much hope into them. But the Hero of the Citadel was still just one soldier and no matter how solid someone is under fire, the pressure of defeating yet another great threat, possibly relating to the reapers, could break anyone regardless of strength, training or experience. It’s hard to believe she was a skeptic about Shepard at first. Time sure proved her wrong.

Realizing that she’d been staring blankly out of her head without acknowledging what was said, she nodded. “That’s good, they probably have a lot to talk about. And Thane must have a lot of explaining to do.” She regretted saying that immediately, fearing that Shepard may misunderstand it. She didn’t mean any harm with this statement, not this time at least.

Luckily, before any more could be said, Bailey waved the two of them over, signaling that the family reunion has just ended. They could get ready to leave now. At last.

~~~

A silent shuttle ride later they arrived back to the Normandy and departed the Citadel.

The day finally ended, and not a moment too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very passionate about parents messing up their own children (my personal experience is probably coloring my perception on this topic) and it bothered me how we can’t really call Thane out on his mistakes properly haha


	3. Facing the music

A handful of slow days passed since the breakdown in the kitchen and remembering the dispute didn’t help understand the situation any better. If anything, it made her more dubious. Thane had no logical reason to feel any sort of fascination towards her as far as she was aware. The only good thing was, that no one witnessed any of it happening.

On the other hand, she was now pretty damn uncomfortable when she had to leave her room for anything and contemplated asking EDI to let her know who was lounging on Deck 3 before she’d go up. She didn’t of course, EDI would probably ask why it was necessary to know who was present, and she really didn’t have an answer that would be satisfactory. It was ridiculous really, and she began ironically thinking about requesting stealth training from Kasumi as another solution to avoid bumping into anyone, but especially Thane.

The universe was not having any of that, however and she still came face to face with the assassin a few times. Of course she would. Life support was on Deck 3, impossible to miss or avoid. Lucky her.

They silently passed each other without a single word of acknowledgement every time they did meet, just like before, but instead of simply being unaware of one another, now it was more out of tension. At least on her part. She felt his dark eyes on her, and she caught herself glancing at him out of reflex as well. She really didn’t enjoy being watched. Luckily, they were never alone. No need to have another confusing conversation where either of them had to make a fool out of themselves. Not yet anyway. The man was reserved, and she was glad for that. Still, his presence was enough to unsettle her. Thane was a difficult man to read after all. His expression was always distant and she couldn’t tell whether it held malicious intent or if he was simply lost in thought. According to what little she knew of him, it was likely the latter, but instincts are hard to ignore and being watched is always anxiety inducing.

Nonetheless, he does possess a cold sort of allure that’s difficult to ignore once one becomes aware of it. A realization that only served to confuse her more. She really didn’t need another person to consume her thoughts now. She needed clarity. An emotional clean-up was in order, but nothing seemed to cooperate with her at the moment. If only she trusted others enough to talk to them about it, but her pride got in the way every time. ‘I’ll deal with it. It’s my problem.’

When she was alone and could think to herself peacefully, she was constantly interrupted, taken on a mission, or called up for debriefing to get the team up to date with the next move against the Collectors. There was always something that distracted her. It seemed like Shepard came by more frequently as well. The Commander really needed someone to talk to these past days, and not just about the personal problems of the squad that needed to be taken care of before venturing beyond the Omega 4 Relay. She never took the Commander for someone who complained a lot, but it seemed that Shepard was getting bogged down quite a bit and needed to drop some of that burden. She didn’t mind talking to Shepard of course, no, but it was hard to bear when the Commander would talk about certain things. Like their developing relationship with Garrus. Oh, the disadvantages of becoming a confidant.

It hurt, but she’d never admit it. No, she played the part of a supportive friend and wished them luck instead. That was the peaceful and mature way to handle this. It was just so damn hard to shake the desire to touch Shepard’s face sometimes, or the need to hold them close. She wasn’t even sure when these feelings developed or how deep they were. Maybe she was just getting desperate? Knowing the dangers of this mission and that there’s a chance none of them will make it back. But she knew herself enough to know that these sorts of feelings never came quickly for her. Shepard is just so damn remarkable that it’s hard to ignore. She was convinced that at least half the crew must have a crush on the Commander, if not all of them. The rest of the crew… Thane. Her thoughts came back to him.

For once she wished she could read minds. She wanted to know the intent behind his words, but without having to ask. An impossible task. Maybe she’ll wake up one day and feel determined enough to ask him to clarify. It’s harder to guess endlessly, than to face the music. At least that’s what brave people say.

Standing up, she decided to tempt fate and go take a shower. This time tends to be calm with less through traffic, though out here in space mornings and nights don’t hold much meaning. Still, every ship tends to have its own rhythm and schedule and figuring out that rhythm does have its advantages.

Unbeknownst to her, others took advantage of learning that schedule as well, and the opportunity to gain insight would present itself sooner rather than later.

~~~

He adopted the habit of pacing in his room restlessly. It eased his mind and helped tire his body at the same time. If only it gave him a solution to his problems as well.

Kolyat didn’t answer his call today. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, that his son had every right to be disgruntled with him, but he still had to try. Even if he ended up asking the same questions twice on some days, even if he had little to no knowledge about how to be a good father to him. Shepard urged him not to give up and he knew he can not give up. If there was even a slight chance to make things right, he’d have to take it. He knew, he really did, but some days his thoughts just weighed too heavy on him. Today was one of those days.

All of his past mistakes decided that today was the day to come back and haunt him and even if he’s become accustomed to the feeling over the years, somehow recently it’s been harder and harder to bear. He thanked the gods and goddesses that Kolyat could be saved, and even more so that his son was willing to forgive him after all the things he’d done, but he still couldn’t soothe himself. Thoughts of what ifs flooded his mind and he wondered what else he could have done to make things better. Had he not left, Irikah would still be alive today and Kolyat would have grown up with them both. He wondered how much better it would have been if he stayed. He wasn’t exactly a model father before either. All he had were his skills as an assassin, and those didn’t help him in his day to day life. Perhaps he just needed more time to learn the ropes. He should have tried for the sake of his family. For Kolyat.

A flash of light blinded his mind as he recalled the day of their reunion in perfect detail, the face of his crying son ripping into his soul. He was the reason behind all that pain, although he never meant to be the one to cause Kolyat anguish. He’s asked for his forgiveness many times since then, but it will take much more than that. Kolyat needs time, but he’s wondering whether he has enough of it to spare. To think he was ready to depart his body, now even that is questionable.

Suddenly another memory enters his mind, a memory of that very same day, but not of his son. It’s the memory of her words crashing against him like a violent tidal wave against a crumbling wall of stone. Those words have haunted him ever since. He tried shaking her image out of his mind without rest, as he believed he had moved past such things long ago, but the memory kept coming back relentlessly and soon he found himself thinking about her more and more. He’d listen to her voice and seek her gaze constantly, hoping to take as much of her in as he could. Perhaps that is what led him to confess his interest so prematurely. He should have kept silent. If he had, then at least he could still see her around more. Now it seemed as if she was no longer aboard the ship at all.

He was reminded of her puzzled face as he voiced his thoughts, and wanted nothing more than to let her know he would understand if his interest was unwanted. That he would keep it to himself. It was beyond selfish of him to want attention after all, especially now as he is nearing his life’s end. And yet, the selfish part of him still yearned for affection, perhaps more so than he wished to admit.

The sound of the elevator reached his ears, and he could tell by the soft footsteps that whoever it was, they wished to remain unnoticed. That could only mean one person, and it was someone he desired to talk to. He approached his door, but by the time he reached it, she was gone, the bathroom door closing behind her. Having missed his chance he decided to head for the kitchen, he has yet to eat, so he might as well do that. Perhaps deep down he hoped she’d join him. A slim chance was better than none after all.

He finished his meal rather quickly and sat back down, feeling unusually tense again, and becoming aware of every little sound around him. The faint sound of conversation coming from the crew quarters, the low hum of the lights, the occasional drip coming from the tap. He could even hear Miranda walk around in her room. Perhaps it would be better to leave, instead of forcing a conversation. Everything will happen in its own time.

As he stood up, ready to head back to his room, the door to the bathroom opened and his legs carried him towards the sound. She was heading to the elevator but threw an absent-minded glance in his direction. Humans seemed to have this so called sixth sense where they would feel someone else’s presence without actually meaning to. He’s seen this occasionally with some of his targets as well. It was a fascinating occurrence to withstand. Of course that meant she wasn’t actually aware of him standing there, and when she saw him, a small sound of surprise escaped her lips. He seemed to have a habit of startling her.

“When’s your birthday? I’ll get you a pair of clown shoes that honk with every step as a present.” Surprisingly her voice held a hint of amusement, and a small smile indicated that she was more than pleased with her remark. A rather unexpected reaction.

A barely audible and contented hum left him before he responded. “I think I’d like that.”

“Then remind me the next time we’re on the Citadel. I know a shop. Goodnight.”

And with that, she headed for the elevator.

He really didn’t want her to leave though, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to discuss the situation he’s created, so he approached her and motioned towards his room.

“Can I have a moment of your time?”

A glint of panic crossed her face as she followed the line of Thane’s outstretched arm with her eyes until they settled on the door to life support, lingering on it for a few seconds before answering.

“Alright, but I won’t stay long.”

“Of course.”

He opened the door motioning for her to step inside, before closing it behind her, then taking a seat at the table, facing her direction. She stood by the door looking rather uncomfortable, something he anticipated would happen.

“Please, take a seat.”

With a curt nod, she took the seat opposite of him and leaned back with her eyes closed. He placed his hands on the table and linked them together, carefully putting the words together in his mind.

“I believe I owe you an apology first. It wasn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortable. I let my thoughts escape me when I should have stayed silent.” He'd hoped to break the ice and perhaps ease some of the tension between them with his apology.

“It caught me off guard, but it hardly warrants an apology. Especially after the things I’ve said to you. It wasn’t my place to get involved in your private business. That said, I won’t pretend I understand what you meant by it.” The response was shaky and uncertain, her eyes nervously fixated on the table, never looking up at him. He found it rather endearing. A true contrast to her fiery gaze from his memory.

“I find you rather remarkable. Your words… they were harsh, yes, and I did not anticipate such a reaction. Though perhaps I should have. My actions were far from acceptable.” He was once again reminded of his past mistakes, and she could hear his voice slightly lowering. She had to stand her ground though, this conversation was going to happen sooner or later. 'Just clear the air' she thought.

“Very far, but it still wasn’t my concern. It was a lapse of judgment on my part. I should have stayed silent as well, so I guess that makes us even. That is hardly reason enough to find anyone remarkable, though.”

She leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, slightly dipping her head down to further avoid his gaze. He wanted to tell her how her act of compassion for his son moved him. How it was difficult to find people who genuinely cared about others even when they gained nothing in return. Or how he found her support of Shepard’s happiness admirable, even if it was apparent to him how much it hurt. He spoke again. “On the contrary. It is rare to find people who would show such compassion for a stranger, or support a loved one’s happiness even at their own expense.”

Her eyes shot up and bored into his after hearing the last part. He couldn’t have meant… but before she could ask him to elaborate, he spoke again.

“I’m drawn to you, but I will understand if it’s unwelcome.”

It has been a long time since he felt affection towards another, and the first time his feelings were for a human. He barely knew how to live a normal life among his own people and in his own culture in the past, much less how to present himself to someone of another species when it came to romance. He spent the last decade alone and deep in his battle sleep. This sudden change was as unanticipated to him as his words were to her now.

She remained silent for a while, lowering her gaze once more to avoid his curious eyes, heart beating rapidly in her chest as she desperately urged her brain to come up with a coherent reply, and fast. She was still in the middle of sorting herself out, managing and understanding her own feelings for Shepard, and now another grenade was thrown at her feet. Another... confession. Sure, she considered there could be more behind his words. Just not this. There was no way she could get to a conclusion here and now. She needed more time.

“I can’t tell you if it’s unwelcome. Not yet, but you’ve certainly invaded my thoughts recently…” It wasn't a lie. She found herself thinking about him a lot these past few days. Her desire to avoid him - and this conversation - were only to provide more time. Time that she needed to clear her mind and heart. The truth was, that Thane had a very intense impact on her. Something she struggled to understand. Perhaps the seeds of passion have been planted in her heart again.

“Of course, I understand. It must be overwhelming.”

He placed one of his hands on top of hers reassuringly and felt her hand jump slightly at the sudden contact. He pulled his hand back up, but she took a hold of it and placed it back down onto hers. Her hand was trembling and her eyes were closed, but the contact made both their bodies fill with hope and warmth.

She realized just how touch-starved she was now. This simple interaction almost made her heart burst out of her ribcage and she made a mental note to lecture herself for it later. For now she enjoyed the moment before she broke the silence.

“You know, Shepard made quite the effort to bring you up in nearly every discussion we had. I’ve been told a few things about you that I’ve never even considered. They probably contributed to your decisions, even if I still think they were bad decisions. It never occurred to me that your son wasn’t the only one hurting. That you’ve both suffered more than enough.”  
Ignorance wasn't always bliss. It made her act without thinking and while she would still stand by her opinion now, she had to admit that it was still too much. It wasn't her mission to make Thane suffer more. If anything, he's already made himself suffer enough.

She took a deep breath and looked at his hand resting on hers. Somehow it felt right.

“I abandoned my family. My wife was killed and Kolyat suffered because of me.” A reminder that neither of them needed.

“Yes, you’ve paid a steep price. One that will haunt you until your last day. But you feel regret and have a desire to right your wrongs. That's important, even if the past can't be changed, the future can. It can be better. For both of you." The sudden change in her behaviour surprised her. She's only felt this close to Shepard. It was a very strange feeling, but not exactly unpleasant. She wanted to let him know, that there's still hope, and a chance to change things. They were still alive, there was still time left. She spoke again. "It might sound strange coming from me, but you deserve to feel happy again. Don’t deny it to yourself. And your son. There's still time.”

Her words and the gentle warmth of her hand underneath his made him feel at ease. A comfort he's almost forgotten at this point. Thane wished the feeling would never leave. He squeezed her hand slightly, a sign of appreciation for her kind words, watching as relief washed over her face. The burden of this tension slowly rolling off of them both, and a new sort of emotion taking its place. Hope? Excitement even? Perhaps both.

As if suddenly being jolted back into reality, she broke the silence. “I should let you be now."  
Thane nodded understandingly and let out a small sigh but made no movement to let her hand go. He wanted to know if there was a chance that maybe they'd speak again soon and as if reading his mind, she spoke again, though barely audibly. "Perhaps we could talk again. When there's time."

He smiled. Possibly the first time she's ever seen him smile. “I’d like that.”

With that, she slid her hand out from underneath his, both of them missing the sensation immediately. She shook the feeling off and stood up to leave, muttering a faint 'Goodnight’ as she headed for the door. He watched her retreat as excitement settled into his chest.

The future was uncertain and yet hopeful.


	4. Small steps

A few days have passed since their private talk in life support and while the air surely felt less stuffed, she still felt nervousness rising in her stomach whenever she crossed paths with Thane. Her thoughts were still somewhat scattered, and the memory of his hands resting on hers kept coming back to her, haunting her mind relentlessly. She'd lie if she said it didn't feel nice. It did, and at least now it wasn't only the bittersweet feeling of unrequited affection living in her mind rent-free. Now there was something new and exciting on the horizon. Still, she'd be a fool to mindlessly give into a sudden new fancy like that. They were still on a dangerous mission, and there was something else too.

Thane is sick. Hell, he's dying. It was no secret at this point and even the other crew members started picking up on it as his visits to Mordin's lab and the med bay grew more and more frequent. He was still a capable fighter, yes, but his body was slowly succumbing to the disease. A disease that had no cure.

She wasn't dumb or blind to it at all, no. She knew that getting emotionally involved with him could lead to a lot of pain. Plus, this wasn't really the place and time either. Cerberus was carefully monitoring each and every one of them aboard the ship, perhaps even listening in on conversations. There was a reason she kept herself mostly away from everyone else, only speaking when spoken to and never giving away too much information. Information that if they did make it back alive, Cerberus could use against them. It was only a matter of time.

On the other hand, if they all ended up dead, or stuck beyond the Omega 4 Relay, then relationships and feelings wouldn't matter at all. Then, they could come to regret not taking things further, to experience happiness before the inevitable end.

Her inner bickering was suddenly interrupted by the sound of commotion. It seemed that Shepard was in a particularly bad mood today.  
She eyed the elevator curiously from her spot near the kitchen counter and watched as Shepard helped an injured Zaeed into the med bay where Dr. Chakwas was waiting. It seems the mission didn't go as planned.

~~~

He was as lost as a newborn, though there was a strange, lingering sense of deja vu. Between trying to mend his tattered relationship with his son, and keeping himself in the best shape possible to be useful during missions, it was difficult to focus. He was torn, in more ways than one.

Just how much time had he left? Was it really enough to make amends? To still experience the affection of another? Was it even right of him to want that happiness? Did he truly deserve a second chance? The gods have given him a chance to meet his son again, to have his family back, and now they've given him another chance for love. He wasn't sure if this was a mercy or a cruel joke. At the dusk of his life, he's been given new hope, but it's made him uncertain. He made peace with death a long time ago, or so he thought, but now all of that seemed to be blown out the window in the blink of an eye. He wasn't sure anymore. For the first time in many years, Thane was afraid. Afraid of dying. Afraid of fading away.

He's being selfish, he knew that, but he still couldn't quell the yearning of his heart. Part of him wanted to jump into the well of emotions, to be swept away in its waves and just hope for the best. He wanted to see her, to be close to her, but she asked for more time. However, his time was running out.

A knock on his door brought him back to reality.

~~~

She didn't know why she was standing there, knocking on the door to life support. It was a sudden decision, perhaps even an absentminded one but here she was, so no turning back now.

"Come in." she heard from the other side, and she reluctantly opened the door, stepping inside.

"Do you have time?" She was still nervous around him, but it was different somehow. The way he raised his gaze and looked up at her, with a small smile on his lips... God, she felt almost weightless for a moment.

"Of course. You are well, I hope?" He asked, as he stood up and walked towards her, his previous doubts seemingly evaporating into thin air. The gods must have listened to his frantic thoughts and heart. Here she was, in front of him. Another wish granted. He placed a hand on her arm, seeking the closeness but reminding himself to be patient. They didn't have much chance to be around one another these past few days. One mission came right after another and he was just glad to finally see her. She didn't seem to mind the sudden contact though, and took a slow step forward, as if moving in for a hug.

"I am. And you?" Her words were quiet and concerned as she slowly raised her eyes to look at him.

"I'm as well as possible. All things considered."

He saw her nod and avert her gaze, out of embarrassment he imagined. They were close to each other after all, their bodies almost touching. It's been a while since he last felt the excited tingle in his throat and chest. He wondered what the equivalent of this feeling was to humans.

He broke the silence again. "I'm glad to see you." Without looking up she answered "Yeah... may we sit?"

She didn't anticipate the sudden closeness, and while a part of her was more than eager to be close to him, she knew it was still too early. She needed to get to know him more. They were so different from one another after all.

"Of course."

~~~

"What made you join the crew?" He already explained his reason, now he wished to know hers. It's not common for people to join a mission such as their current one. The low chance of survival and the great amount of unknowns would deter even the most fearless, unless they had a good reason to participate.

She seemed to think for a moment before answering. "I was drifting aimlessly throughout my life. One job was as meaningless as the other. I guess I was looking for something more. Plus, Shepard can be very convincing." She said that last part with a playful smile. 

He had to admit, there was a pang of jealousy in him now. Shepard is indeed a remarkable person, unlike anyone he's ever met. A lot of the crew thought the same. He wondered if that was what drew her close to the commander.

She realized that his gaze grew distant at the mention of Shepard, and decided to speak up again, hoping to change the subject. "I was surprised to see the commander working with Cerberus though. I don't trust them. There's something wrong about this whole thing, but I can't quite tell what."

He snapped out of his daze and nodded his head in approval. "Your concern is understandable. They've been involved in some shady dealings. It's smart to be cautious." She really didn't want to discuss Cerberus though, despite bringing them up herself. No, she wanted to know more about him, more about his life. But she also didn't want to impose; she knew that his past was far from a happy one.

"What will you do? I mean if we survive this?" This should be a safe question, she thought.

A thoughtful hum came from him, as he closed his eyes to think before answering. "I think I'd like to travel. See a desert. Spend more time with Kolyat. Perhaps with you as well?" He sounded hopeful, and she couldn't help but turn her eyes away from his intense ones. Her lips turned upwards a bit though. A future like that sounded... pleasant. If only life was that easy.

"Earth has a few nice deserts. If you need suggestions." He didn't miss out on her playful tone, and gave a small laugh as a reply. 

Their chat was suddenly interrupted by EDI announcing an impromptu meeting in the conference room. A rude reminder of their current situation if either of them was about to forget. With a remorseful look, she stood up. "Duty calls, huh."

"Indeed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to high heavens Thane isn't too OOC, hahahaaahaa*crying*


	5. Lingering fears and touches

His hand slid across her hips earning him a sharp gasp in response. Thane was once again sneaking up on her, though this time it was on purpose.

She spun around to face him, a startled expression still painted on her face, though as soon as she saw him, she let out a relieved sigh. This has become something of a habit to him. She'd come to the kitchen when no one was around, and he'd take the opportunity to steal her away, if only for a little while. Every minute spent together was precious to him and he was growing tired of only sharing glances with her while passing one another aboard the ship. He understood her concerns of course, he wished to keep their involvement away from the eyes of the others as well, but time for him was of the essence.

She sensed his silent desperation and let his hands linger on her waist a bit longer. They had to make do with these small stolen looks and touches for the past weeks and she too was starting to feel impatient. Sure, they've had some time to talk over the omni-tool every now and then and it got them a lot more comfortable with each other as they grew to know one another, but nothing felt close enough. Not anymore at least.

She didn't even realize how the thoughts of Thane slowly and steadily replaced the ones she had of the commander.

"Mind joining me for a while?" He anticipated that they'll have some uninterrupted time to spend together if his observational skills were to be trusted. Shepard has just departed with Jack and Garrus, Dr. Chakwas was in Mordin's lab, Gardner was taking care of his usual maintenance duties and the others were at their stations. Away from them.

With a nod she walked towards life support, Thane following behind her.

As soon as the door closed behind him, he closed the distance and enveloped her in his arms, hers slowly raising up and resting on his back. She could tell that he's been more on edge lately, though she didn't know if it was because of how their mission was progressing, or if it was his own thoughts weighing him down.

The last time they spoke face to face, he mentioned his late wife, Irikah. How they met, fell in love, and how she died. He was surprisingly open about it, although the topic did make her feel uncomfortable. She asked him whether he felt guilty for feeling affection towards somebody else, to which he replied no at first. Perhaps he has reconsidered since then. Or maybe it was his progressing sickness? She did realize that he held onto her for far longer recently than usual, as if he was afraid of one of them suddenly disappearing into thin air.

"What's up? Are you okay?" She couldn't hide her concerned tone, even though most of her face was buried in his shoulder.

He let go of her and put a hand on the side her face, his touch light as a feather.

"I've been feeling so restless, Siha. As my body grows weaker, my mind is consumed by fear. I believed I've accepted my body's eventual death, but now..."

She didn't have any reassuring words to tell him, so she just placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him down gently until their foreheads were touching. She knew it wouldn't be simple or easy, hell, he knew it too, but they were still drawn into each other’s arms regardless of the circumstances.

"Nothing guarantees we will even live long enough to see the day when you... when your time comes." These words didn't feel right to her, but if anything, she'd hoped if she fell for him, they'd at least both fade into the void together. She wasn't ready to lose him and move on. No, they've spent so little time together and there was so much more they both wanted. And Kolyat? He's just reconciled with his father, to lose him again would be a sick twist of fate. Perhaps deep down she hoped there was a possible cure somewhere out there, even if all her research indicated otherwise.

A sad chuckle escaped his lips, for a moment he forgot just what sort of mission they were on. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps it was better to focus on the now and enjoy these moments together. He still couldn't help but want more from his life though.

He was brought back from his dark thoughts by the sensation of her lips softly grazing against his own. Moving his hand from her face down to her neck, he closed the remaining distance and began a slow and sensual rhythm. She let her hands wander to his chest, drawing lazy circles onto his clothed skin, parting her lips so he could deepen the kiss. He gladly accepted the invitation and moved his free hand onto her waist to pull her body closer to his. The passion he couldn't convey by words alone he would instead show with his actions. He let his tongue roam and explore before moving to rub against hers, taking in the foreign smoothness and letting his hidden desire take over his mind and body.

It was so easy to get lost in each other's touch and taste that the need to breathe became a secondary thought until both their lungs became tight and stifled. She broke away from the kiss first, gasping quietly as the oxygen entered her system once more. The rush of pleasure made her body feel much warmer than before and she couldn't help but let out a contented sigh as his lips moved down to the side of her neck, Thane's own labored breaths tickling her skin.

She felt lightheaded and almost dazed, her hands moving to hold onto him as he gave her neck a kiss. Her head dropped onto his shoulders again and she let out a small moan of pleasure before tumbling backwards slightly. Thane caught her just in time and held her, concern flashing across his face.

"Are you unwell?"

She shook her head no before answering. "No, it's fine. Just got a bit lightheaded, that's all."

Desire was still clouding her eyes, despite the dizziness while he studied her expression to see whether she was truly well. A hand ran up his arm reassuringly.

"I'm fine, really."

She dropped her head onto his shoulder again hoping it would help stop the spinning, while he held her closer, stroking her back.

"Let's sit you down."

~~~

The dizziness faded soon, but it had made Thane far too worried.

"I'm not going to the med bay, it's fine." She was stubborn, he'll give her that.

"Then at least make sure to rest."

"I'll rest later."

"Siha, please."

Sigh. He was stubborn too.

She noticed that he's been calling her Siha more nowadays, something she'll probably never get used to. She didn't think it fit her well according to Thane's explanation, but he seemed to disagree.

"I wanted more time with you." Her tone held a little sadness and disappointment. He felt the same if he wanted to be honest.

Suddenly she stood up. "Fine, I'll go and rest."

He followed suit, moving his hand to her back instinctively, but she playfully swatted it away and faced him instead, moving in for a small kiss. He held onto her but as soon as it came, it ended, and her lips left his.

"Another time. I need to rest, remember?"

Now she was just teasing him, he was sure of it, even though he could hear a sense of longing in her voice too. Another time, yes.

He hoped there was another time.


	6. A day on the Citadel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long and full of flip-flopping emotions. Also, second-hand embarrassment anyone?

EDI has been forwarding weirdly specific articles to her omni-tool lately. 'How to: Interspecies relationships', 'Drell dating customs then and now', 'Alien toxins and their effects on human physiology' and the list goes on and on. Nosy AI. Well, at least EDI kept quiet about it. At least she hoped she did. God, if she told Joker... no, NO!

Another beep came from her omni-tool. Another article?

"A list of pharmaceutical shops on the Citadel..."

"Yes. In case you were looking to purchase remedies with toxin neutralizing properties."

Lord, she wanted to die, or just disappear. Either was fine just make it FAST.

"Thanks, EDI."

"Of course. Let me know if you need anything else."

She honestly didn't know if this was the AI's way of mocking her, or if she just wanted to be helpful. Maybe it was both. Yeah, definitely both knowing EDI. She WAS helpful though, that much couldn't be denied but still.

EDI's timing was perfect too, though she probably knew about Shepard's plans in advance. The commander announced earlier that they were stopping by the Citadel and take care of something for both Miranda and Garrus and this left the rest of the crew free to do whatever they needed to. Maybe she will stop by one of these shops after all. There's nothing better to do. Thane will likely go and check on Kolyat, as he should, and it might be better for them to stay apart for today.

After one too many incidents of almost fainting, and then reading through EDI's extranet articles, she came to realize that sometimes aliens and humans don't mix perfectly. She should have expected it though, right? Things had a habit of becoming more complicated in her life ever since she joined the Normandy crew. She couldn't deny the pull Thane had on her anymore though, it was becoming harder and harder to focus. She even got lectured by Shepard on the shuttle ride to some remote planet where mercs had a stranglehold on some mining facility. She spaced out like a dumbass during the time Shepard was relaying the mission details. Although it was the first time she's heard Grunt laugh, so it was almost worth it. Almost.

Truly, she really had to get herself together. Sure, it was funny once, but if it happens during a more important mission, she will end up endangering the others. That can't happen. If only she was as good at separating work and personal life as Shepard. She wondered what the commander's secret was. Probably the years and years of high-risk missions and Alliance service.

She hit up an extranet search with the name of her chosen meds and some of the Citadel shops. One was close to Zakera ward.

"That'll do."

~~~

This couldn't have been any more embarrassing. The asari shopkeeper kept asking what a human needed those kinds of meds for. Outing herself and her private relationship in the middle of a shop was not on her to do list for today, but the asari would not give up until she had an adequate explanation.

She finally gave up with an exasperated sigh. 'Let's just be done with this, who cares anymore.'  
"I may or may not be dating a drell."

The asari answered with a simple "Oh" and a nod before disappearing behind the counter and returning with... not the items she was looking for.

She looked at the 3 small boxes with a quizzical look, but the shopkeeper spoke up before her confusion could be voiced.

"The pills are for mitigating the effects of the drell skin toxins. I suggest taking one before your meetings every time. It should last from anywhere between 3-6 hours. The balm is for skin irritation, and this" she motioned to the 3rd item, also looking like some sort of cream or gel "this one is if you two get intimate."

She was wrong. It could get more embarrassing. Even if her brain told her that the asari was just doing her job, and if anything someone of her species would likely not judge anyone for dating a fellow alien, it didn't help much. At least her face didn't betray her much, she was never the type to get beet red and it was something she was glad for in this specific moment.

When she finally found her voice again, she answered with a polite thank you and put her credit chit onto the counter for the asari to take before leaving with her small bag of items.

"Well, that was embarrassing."

Was it her imagination, or did that ad display just comment on her recent encounter? In a very familiar voice no less.

"Way to rub salt into my wounds, Kasumi."

"No hard feelings, I hope. It could have been worse."

She didn't know how, but maybe she didn't even want to find out.

"I suppose. Also, this old trick again?"

She was there when Shepard recruited Kasumi, although she almost forgot about it at this point.

"Hey, it worked once. And it was nice watching Shep talk to a holo display."

She let out a snort. To be fair, it was kind of funny.

"So are you going to come out and keep me company or are you going to sneak around the Citadel instead?"

~~~

She always found Kasumi a fun woman to talk to. Shepard has taken them on missions together previously, and there was never a dull moment with the sneaky master thief around. That didn't mean they were particularly close however. Certainly not close enough to talk about relationships, but it seemed like keeping it under lock and key was no longer an option.

"You know, you're not as sneaky as you think. Plus, my room's right next to life support. I hear everything."

Figures. She could tell Kasumi was smiling under that hood of hers right about now.

"Right, but eavesdropping is considered rude in most cultures. And what goes on between us shouldn't concern anyone else."

She said the first half with a playful undertone, but she did mean the second part seriously. It was no one's business but theirs and the last thing the Normandy needed was more rumors.

"Your secret's safe with me. I'm happy for you two. There's nothing wrong with finding comfort in someone else."

She could hear the sadness in Kasumi's voice near the end, despite always thinking that she was an easygoing, fun person. Well, she was, but there was more to everyone than meets the eye. Kasumi included.

"Have anyone dear to you? You know, since we are all up in each other's private business now."

Kasumi gave a small chuckle before her voice turned more somber. "Had."

"Sorry to hear that."

"I wouldn't mind having Jacob though."

She let out a small laugh at Kasumi's sudden change of topic. 

"Go for it, if you don't mind the whole Cerberus thing, that is."

"Well, nobody's perfect."

~~~

Back on the Normandy she finally had some much needed alone time. Wandering around the Citadel with Kasumi was fun, but the events that took place earlier did tire her out. She wondered how Thane was doing. How his meeting with Kolyat went. Thane still seemed unsure in his renewed paternal role, but he was slowly getting more comfortable with it. It seemed like him and Kolyat almost resembled something of a real family now. Kolyat must have missed him more than he let on. At least that's what she thought.

She was also curious if the missions went well, Garrus seemed more frustrated the days prior than she's ever seen him. It was almost frightening.

Before she could press the elevator button, a flash of movement caught her eyes as a figure joined her and pushed the button for her. 

A pair of familiar arms wrapped around her from behind as the not so mysterious person bent down to whisper into her ear. 

"How was your day, Siha?"

"A bit tiring. And yours?"

He gave a small sigh. "Likewise. I'll tell you about it if you allow me to join you."

She nodded her head in approval and waited for their short elevator ride to end. Her station was on the same deck as the cargo bay, a small utility closet turned into a makeshift bedroom. Like with most of the other crewmembers, the only indication that someone used the space as a living space was the portable bed and some personal belongings.

"So, what happened? Everything alright with Kolyat?" She asked as she placed her bag on the small table at the foot of her bed while motioning for him to take a seat.

"We had an argument."

That doesn't sound good.

"What about?"

"I told him about our mission against the Collectors. He already knew about my condition, I thought he would understand this too."

Thane wasn't exactly in a position to be envied and since she didn't have any children of her own, it was unclear to her how she could help him other than listening to his troubles and trying to make sense of the situation.

"And he got upset?"

"Yes. He told me how it tired him to be always left in the dark. I don't know if I can be the father he deserves, Siha."

She understood his doubts but didn't like this more cowardly side of his. The side of him that led to them clashing, and then falling for one another. How ironic.

"You have to give him-"

"-time, yes. But how am I to know just how much time I have left!?"

He stood up and turned his face away from hers. She was taken aback by his outburst, this was the first time Thane has raised his voice and seemed so distressed.

He faced her again with a remorseful expression.

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have-"

She raised a hand to cut him short. "It's fine." It wasn't but... She understood. Or tried to. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Listen, I won't say that I know what this is like. I don't. But you have to try. You are his father, he is your son. Be honest to him, be there for him. He's hurt, but he still needs you in his life. And maybe... maybe he just doesn't want to lose you sooner than necessary. He barely got you back..." Her words trailed off near the end. She really felt useless for not knowing what to say, how to help him.

"Of course, you are right. Thank you, Siha."

Her words seemed to calm him down a bit though, and she was glad for that but she knew he would soon feel the pressure again. That meant that she would too. It's not like being constantly reminded of Thane's fading life did any favors to her mental state. Or that she didn't fear what future the mission brought. Now they both had so much to lose.

"Is there really nothing that could help? An experimental treatment... anything?" Her question was more so to herself than him but he answered nonetheless.

"The hanar are researching ways to make our people adapt to Kahje's humidity better, but even if they are successful, it won't be of much use to drell who are already afflicted."

Damn the hanar to hell! What use was there for big corporations like Binary Helix if there was no cooperation between the different species? Where was all that galactic togetherness the Citadel Council kept preaching about endlessly?

She was so tired of it all even if she knew that it was selfish. She knew what she was getting into with him but it still hurt.

He approached her and raised her face to make her look at him, his dark eyes boring into her __(e/c)__ ones. She pulled his body closer to her own in reply. They both needed the comfort that the other's warmth brought. His lips lingered dangerously close to her own now but before they could touch, she let out a small 'ah' as her eyes fell on the small bag resting on the table. Thane's eyes followed her line of sight curiously before turning back to her with a questioning look.

"I bought meds."

"Were you feeling ill again?"

Right, EDI probably didn't forward the articles to Thane and it's not like he had much dating experience, much less with humans. A flashback to earlier today reminded her of the less than pleasant shopping experience and her face distorted into a grimace. It was still a less dire thought than their previous topic.

"Siha?"

"No, no. I'm fine. It's for... the toxins." God, why couldn't she just say it like the adult that she was?

He chuckled understandingly. "I see." Thane may have forgotten about his own biology possibly having an unpleasant impact on other species. It hasn't exactly been a problem for him before, but now it made sense. In hindsight, he should have expected it and be more careful.

"Do you need to take them?"

"If I don't want to get dizzy, yes."

He stepped aside to make way but she remained in place.

"It won't have an effect immediately. I'll be prepared next time though." And with that, she closed the distance between them and guided his face back down to hers, meeting his lips softly.

For now, his touch was all that mattered to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the drell toxin causes hallucinations and not necessarily dizziness, but since we all react differently to other substances, I decided to go with that instead of tripping ballz every time.


	7. Intertwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *eyes emoji* This chapter is the reason for the explicit rating. Smut ahead, but with love.

The Illusive Man's information of a drifting Collector ship in space proved to be true, but with a twist; it was a trap. She knew Cerberus wasn't to be trusted, even Miranda was unaware and if it wasn't for EDI, they might have never found out about the falsified turian signal. The event caused quite a stir among the crew, even the Cerberus loyalists, but it also solidified their fears of the Collectors.

The footage that was recovered by Shepard and a very unlucky Garrus and Mordin was unlike anything any of them have ever seen. The ship was huge and exceptionally alien looking. The pods scattered around, mostly empty save for the pile of remains in some chambers. Human remains. No survivors found.

Their mission has never looked so dim, the consequence of much more delay being the risk of other colonies getting abducted, but according to Shepard and Miranda, they were still not ready. They've recovered important data that will help them later on when they are ready to make the trip, but it wasn't enough, and the team wasn't yet at full strength either.

This both set her mind at ease, knowing there was still some time left, while at the same time it made her feel like they were just sitting around, wasting time.

She wondered how the others felt. Kasumi seemed to be restless, maybe even starting to regret her choice to join Shepard, but everyone else just looked so stone-faced. Though to be fair, she probably looked just as stone-faced as them, only letting her panic run free inside her mind when no one was looking.

Shepard was also as busy as ever, spending what little free time was available with Garrus. As expected. She also found that even Shepard had a weakness, which was getting the non-Cerberus crew to socialize with each other aboard the Normandy. They were lovingly dubbed The Loner Club because no matter what Shepard did or said, everyone just retreated into their rooms until a mission called for their assistance, much to Shepard's annoyance of course. The commander wanted unity, tight teamwork between each crewmate, but this wasn't the Alliance and Shepard knew that well. The old Alliance team was brought up as an example time and time again, but to no avail. Seems like this beast will remain undefeated by The First Human Spectre. 

She laid back on her bed, getting bored of browsing the extranet for anything funny while her mind was wandering freely. Somehow nothing she came upon could lift her spirits and divert her attention. With swift movements, she got up, reached towards the table and left her room.

When in doubt, go to the kitchen. And to Thane.

~~~

He was becoming more predictable, or maybe she was getting better at predicting his next step. With her back still turned to him, she muttered playfully. "Don't. I know you're there."

Thane could swear he heard the smile in her voice.

"My skills must be getting rusty." He replied, a small laugh accompanying his answer.

"To be fair, I didn't _hear_ you. I just had a hunch you'd show up." She faced him before continuing. "Mind if I join you for a bit?"

"Not at all." He was more than happy to have her all to himself.

As the door to life support closed behind them, she stepped closer to him, placing both hands on his chest, trailing down his sides until they stopped to rest on his waist. It was rare for her to initiate, but she missed the contact. She missed him. Thane must have felt the same, as his hands came up to caress her face, his thumb gliding against her lower lip softly.

There was a silent agreement in their touch. She felt like there wouldn't be much talking between them today, both were painfully aware of all the recent events. No. What they really needed was a little distraction so they could both escape reality for a bit and get lost in each other instead.

He moved his hand to the back of her head, running his fingers through her __(h/c)__ locks, a sensation he found quite enjoyable and she must have too, as her head dropped back slightly with a low hum. Her half-lidded eyes wandered his face, taking in every little detail, burning his image into her mind so she could never forget him. Eventually her gaze fell on his lips in a silent beg. Thane granted her wish and connected his mouth with hers, his free hand guiding her to take a few steps back until her back touched the table. His arms found their way to the back of her thighs and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his midsection. He placed her down gently and let his hands roam her body fervently, dipping under her clothes and lingering on her soft, warm skin, his mind slowly letting go of all troubles, old and new alike.

A moan escaped her, as she reached for the zipper of Thane's outfit, exposing his bare chest. She explored his muscles, her palms hungrily following along their shape. She wanted to memorize every little part of him with her fingertips. This time it was his turn to let out a pleased hum righ into their kiss, the sound gently massaging her mouth while his tongue was working hers.

He assisted her out of her top, only breaking the contact of their lips for a few seconds, before they found their way back, his hands once again travelling down her body. Her skin touched her still clothed lover, and she gave a small dissatisfied sound. Thane responded with an amused chuckle "Patience, Siha." Patience. She didn't have much of that right now. A pair of pleading eyes bored into his, testing his resolve. Thane couldn't resist such a look and caved to her unspoken request, removing his outfit while her eyes followed his every move, taking in the intricate patterns of his skin.

As their lips connected again, she pulled him closer into her by his waist, her hips grinding into his with need. She wanted him, she wanted him so much it nearly drove her wild. Thane's mouth found its way to her neck to nibble on the sensitive skin, while his hands removed her bra. The sudden exposure made her gasp lightly, her breath hitching as his cool hands caressed her exposed breasts. The heat of her bare body surrounded him, enclosing his colder one. She was sublime.

"You are beautiful, my Siha."

His whisper gave her chills.

One of his hands moved to her inner thigh, then to her hips, resting for only a few short seconds before his finger hooked around the fabric, pulling it lower. She shifted her weight to allow the pesky piece of clothing to be removed completely, nothing separating her warm flesh from his eager hands anymore.

Between breathless kisses, his finger moved to stroke her already wet folds, brushing over her oversensitive clit. She let out a small whimper in response and gave his lower lip a teasing tug with her own, her teeth brushing against his soft skin. Excitement flooded him, he wanted to consume her, to be blissfully lost in her heat. The thought made his arousal almost painful as his cock unsheathed fully against his boxers.

She was growing impatient, pushing his hand lower eagerly, whispering his name between her labored gasps. He obeyed her pleading, thrusting his finger deep into her, beginning a steady pace. She moaned his name against his neck once again, her voice filling his mind and setting his senses aflame. Her hips matched the rhythm of his fingers, grinding into him as the mounting pleasure made her insides tight, her shallow breaths hitting his shoulder as she clung to him for support.

"Thane, please..."

Before she could come, he removed his finger, earning a small groan of displeasure which he silenced with his lips. Her hands found their way to his waist again, playing with the hem of his boxers, rolling it down enough for him to simply step out of them. Now there was nothing separating them, and she guided his hips into her own, his cock rubbing against her clit making her head spin.

He placed one hand on her lower back while he lined himself up to her entrance with the other, slowly easing himself into her until he was fully inside. She took a sharp breath and tightened her grip around his shoulder as the pleasure mixed with the pain, her brows furrowing as she tried to relax. His pace was slow and patient at first, waiting for her to get used to his length, but once her grip loosened and her moans sounded more needy than pained, his thrusts became faster and deeper. Thane was no longer the composed assassin with carefully measured movements. No, he was letting his passion guide his body instead, hips crashing into hers steadily, his cock hitting her in all the right places. She was seeing stars even with her eyes closed.

She tried to keep her voice in check, but she was so close. The familiar dizziness hanging over her head again, but this time it was because of her approaching orgasm. She lowered her back onto the table, trailing his neck and chest with her nails, a hiss slipping out of her upon touching the cold surface. Thane's grip on her thigh tightened as he dove further into her with every thrust, the feeling of pure bliss clouding all of his senses, both of them lost in an ocean of pleasure.

With the arch of her back and a shaky moan she came undone, her legs wrapped around Thane's body trembling with her intense release, her hands reaching to grip the edge of the table. Her walls were now clenching all around his cock, tightening around him as he tried to keep a steady pace but a groan came from the depths of his throat as the sensation overwhelmed him, making his thrusts more spastic as he came closer to his own climax. He drove his hips into hers a few more times, then he spilt into her with a satisfied gasp, sinking into her heat some more before stopping.

He slumped down, his head lowering down to rest his forehead on hers while he took her hands and intertwined their fingers. They were both blissfully tired, panting against each other's lips.

Gradually both of their breathing returned to normal. Thane gently pulled her up into his arms and captured her lips with his own while he slowly slipped out of her, her fingers running up and down his shoulder absentmindedly before she broke away from his kiss.

"Thane?"

Her voice was a shaky mess.

"Yes, my Siha?"

She hesitated for a few moments and closed her eyes before speaking again.

"I love you."

This may have been the very first time she's ever told him directly and even now, her voice was quiet, but he was glad. His heart filled with warmth and smile spread across his lips.

"As do I."

She buried her face into the crook of his neck as he picked her up and laid her down on his bed, laying down beside her and pulling her flushed body close to him. For perhaps the first time in many months, they'd both sleep soundly.

Everything seemed perfect in this moment. The hardships of yesterdays and tomorrows momentarily cast into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a first-timer at writing smut, so feedback is much appreciated hahahaa.


	8. Krantt? Who, me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and co. visit Tuchanka and an old friend.

She wished she could wake up by his side every day, but they were still aboard a Cerberus ship. There was no true privacy here and it bothered her to no end. Not only was it inconvenient to run into people constantly even if she tried to avoid it, but it also made her somewhat paranoid. She didn't know why she cared so much about any of this, there were more pressing matters at hand than possibly ending up as the topic of discussion at breakfast.

It couldn't be helped though. Her mind would become hyperfocused on the most meaningless things sometimes. For example, like how they actually forgot to lock the door while getting... intimate. She realized it the next morning, thinking how lucky they were not to be interrupted and perhaps in the first time in her life, she muttered a big thank you to Lady Fortuna for their luck. She still wondered whether any noise could be heard from outside. The bathrooms were right by the door, the crew quarters a mere few meters away, not to mention Kasumi's room. She hoped to the high heavens these doors and walls were at least somewhat soundproof and that the reason they were left alone wasn't because of the sounds coming from life support. Her face lost its color at the thought.

A beep brought her attention back to reality, signaling that she was needed for a mission. Good, finally some distraction. She made her way to Deck 3 with a relieved sigh, finding the commander in a conversation with Garrus and Grunt and as she approached them, Shepard turned to her.

"Gear up, we're going to Tuchanka."

She could barely believe her ears and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"The krogan homeworld? What for?"

"We're visiting an old friend of mine."

~~~

The shuttle ride was uneventful, save for the restless fidgeting of Grunt who seemed like he could go on a single-krogan rampage around the galaxy. She wasn't sure if Mordin's unusually tense behavior was related to this or not. Garrus on the other hand looked as unbothered as ever, discussing today's flavor of dextro-paste without a care in the world.

When they touched down, a less then friendly krogan "greeted" them and pointed the little group in the right direction with a very apparent snarl on his face.

'This is going to be a handful, isn't it?'

At least Vakarian's little complaints about the dust getting into his armor were entertaining.

"Seriously, you don't want to know just how deep it gets, and it's impossible to get it out. Not to mention uncomfortable."

"You know you can go back to the shuttle any time, Garrus."

Shepard was getting a tad bit tired of it though.

"And miss out on seeing how good ol' Wrex is doing now that he's in charge? Are you kidding me?" At least Vakarian's skin was thicker than to let the bickering get to him. Hell, he probably even enjoyed it.

Shepard has mentioned the previous crew to her, including the krogan, Wrex. Sounded like a fun little group, if a tad bit unusual for the Alliance navy to work with but the circumstances were unusual too. Seemed like both Shepard and Garrus were excited to reunite with this Wrex fellow and to her surprise, so was Wrex, standing up and greeting Shepard enthusiastically and exchanging some friendly banter with Garrus. Shepard wasted little time getting down to business though and told Wrex why they were there.

"I have a krogan on my crew. He has some kind of sickness and needs treatment."

Wrex eyed Grunt for a while, measuring him up, asking where he was from, Grunt answering everything. Another krogan was also circling around him, disapproval evident on his face as he talked down to Grunt like he was some sort of abomination.

"You recite the names of warlords, but you're the product of a syringe."

Seems like some krogan are quite the traditionalists, huh. It didn't make sense to her at first, knowing how the Genophage dwindled their numbers. She thought they'd be a little more enthusiastic, but in hindsight, she guessed their reaction was expectable. Krogan weren't always known for being very open-minded.

In the end, it didn't matter what this Uvenk said and both Shepard and Wrex ignored his protests.

"I need Grunt back up to speed. What's wrong with him?"

"There's nothing wrong with him. He's becoming a full adult."

"Adolescence? Can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?"

She snorted at Garrus' remark while Wrex just brushed it off, telling them that Grunt should take the rite of passage, which would make him a member of Clan Urndot. This made Uvenk lose his remaining cool and storm off. Shepard left the decision up to Grunt, and when he agreed to participate, they were prompted to see the Shaman for details.

~~~

"This vehicle is a travesty to the galaxy." Now it was her turn to do the complaining, her voice uneven from all the bumping around. She almost choked on her own tongue at one point for god's sake! "These roads too."

Shepard sighed, placing a hand on their temple. 'Surrounded by complainers.'

"We're almost there." was all the commander said in response.

"Yeah, and then we have to take this same road in the same vehicle to get b-"

Her voice was cut off by the sharp bump, they must have ran over a large piece of rubble. Instant karma.

"-back." She finished with a heavy sigh, looking over to Shepard only to find a less than amused commander looking back with a deadpan expression.

The tomkah came to a stop and a few moments later a strong knock came from the door, signaling the 3 of them to get out. As her feet touched the ground, she stretched dramatically, rubbing her butt a bit before Shepard gave her a friendly shove. "Let's get moving."

They were led to what seemed like a ruined arena of sorts, and told to hit the keystone when they are ready to begin. Shepard took a few minutes to look around and get acquainted with the area, or at least tried to, but Grunt's impatience was becoming more vocal and Shepard gave up with an exasperated sigh of defeat.

"Get ready! We don't know what to expect."

Upon hitting the keystone, it gave a strange sound and soon a large pack of varrens appeared. They've seen and fought worse. Much worse. If they were lucky, this trial would be nice and easy; Grunt earns his place among the krogan and calms down, Shepard will have one less thing to worry about, and they can leave this dusty wasteland of a planet. She's honestly hoped for a better mission, somewhere nice, like Illium, but alas, that was not to be.

The pack of varrens were quickly dispatched and she spoke up. "That wasn't so bad."

"Don't jinx it. Get ready, I'm hitting it again."

As the sound came again, so did a large number of Klixen. God, she hated these things so much, especially after one of them nearly blew up in her face on some toxic planet. Trying to keep a distance from these oversized bugs, she quickly disposed of the ones closest to her, but more were on the way and they were quick. She retreated a bit, making sure not to waste any of her shots but one of them was already too close for comfort. In a swift movement she threw the thing into one of the metal pillars with her biotics before it could explode.

"I hate these things!"

"Just keep at it, it's almost over!"

"Right..."

She made a move to switch over to warp-ammo, and the dance of death began anew. At least Grunt seemed to have genuine fun tackling the enemy, laughing like an elated child. To him, this was like a day on the playground. Shepard was right though, and the second wave came to an end, not a moment too soon if you asked her.

"I WANT MORE!"

Truly, just like a kid.

Shepard hit the keystone once again and... a tentacle shot up from the other end of the arena? She looked at Shepard with a questioning look, who just shrugged and raised their gun, shooting it once. With a shriek it disappeared, but moments later a thresher maw emerged.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Grunt gave a loud laugh as Shepard screamed at them.

"TAKE COVER BEHIND THE PILLARS! NOW!"

They did as they were told, but what next? Just shoot and hope for the best? What if it comes closer? That thing was HUGE.

She moved to peek out of her cover, but ducked back immediately, just barely dodging the ball of acid that was coming her way. Her face distorted in disgust, but suddenly a burning sensation pierced through her arm.

"FUCK!"

Quickly she rubbed it off on the ground, raising her gun to start shooting the maw. 'Fucking murder worm!' Shepard and Grunt were doing the same, running from pillar to pillar as the maw moved around the arena.

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!"

Well, she was trying but the damned thing was an ammo sponge! Making a sudden decision, she raised a piece of sharp metal with her biotics and threw it at the thresher's gaping jaw, piercing it's armored flesh. It gave a pained shriek and moved to another side of the arena for another attack.

"KEEP DOING THAT!" Screamed Shepard as they all moved into cover again.

"WILL DO!"

She repeated the process a few times, hurling sharp metal piece after metal piece at the beast while Shepard and Grunt were ridding it with ammo, Shep even busted out the particle beam towards the end. It was getting tiring though.

"IS IT DEAD YET?!?" She was getting worn out, fast.

"ALMOST THERE!"

After throwing another piece at the maw, she slumped behind the pillar, it was on the 2 of them now, only her pistol had thermal clips left at this point and that was almost useless against a thresher. Throwing peas at it would have the same effect. A loud thump shook the ground a bit and then, silence. She looked up, peering out from behind the pillar cautiously, waiting for the dust to settle a bit.

The thresher was dead. They've done it!

A loud sigh left her lips as she got on her feet, Grunt's excited laugh once again hitting her ears. Shepard gave a pat to both their shoulders. "Nice job!"

"This is going to be one hell of a tale to tell." Though she didn't know who she would tell it to.

"I still want more!"

She rolled her eyes a bit at him. "Can't relate."

"Come on. Let's get out of here." but Shepard didn't anticipate an interruption in the form of Uvenk and his men.

"You live, and you brought down a thresher maw. No one has done that in generations. Urndot Wrex was the last."

"My krantt gave me strength beyond my genes, which are damned good."

Lord, the little braggart. Though to be fair, it was true. There wasn't even a single scratch on him.

Uvenk continued, trying to sway Grunt into causing an imbalance between the clans, no doubt to his favor. This one was a true scumbag, scheming behind the backs of others. Grunt was having none of it though.

"You spit on my father's name! On Shepard's name! But now you stop ranting because I'm strong?"

Uvenk was still arrogant, offering Grunt only a clan name and a bunch of restrictions. A deal only a fool would take, and naturally, Grunt was no fool.

"I'm pure krogan. Uvenk, you are the pretender!"

"Your head is valuable, whether you are alive or dead!"

"Just try and take it!"

The first shot was fired by the enemy, the 3 quickly moving into cover as they were once again surrounded by enemies, only this time it was a bunch of krogan. Joy. At least they didn't spit fire or acid. And neither did they explode. That was good enough for her right now.

Shepard was quick to take down a few of them, and Grunt followed suit, aiming his gun straight at Uvenk. She was more comfortable taking a support role now, covering the backs of the other two with gunfire and biotics.

Picking off Uvenk's men one by one was easy enough, but the main guy himself had a few barriers to burn through and he was beyond pissed too, charging straight at Shepard from the side. Grunt knocked him down, giving enough time to Shepard to change position before the warlord got to his feet again. She opened fire on the krogan, drawing his attention away from the other two as they were shooting at him, but now he was dangerously close to her.

"HE'S CHARGING AGAIN!" Came Shepard's yell and she tried to move to the side as the enraged krogan knocked down the shaky cover she was hiding behind. The debris barely missed her, but now she had something to knock him down with. With the remaining energy she had left, she sent a large piece of concrete towards the warlord, sending him flying backwards as Grunt delivered the final blow.

Dead, at last. She let out a relieved breath. This was enough adventure for a day.

"Uvenk is meat. Let's signal at the keystone and leave him to rot."

"I second that."

~~~

The ride back was silent, though she was still complaining in her mind, the bumping around didn't do any favors to her bruised body. Plus, her arm was hurt, though it wasn't that serious.

Upon returning, they could hear the astonished whispers of the krogan, some already placing dibs on Grunt and even Shepard. She laughed loudly at EDI's announcement along with Grunt, both of them earning a look from Shepard.

"Hey, mind if I go back to the shuttle? To rest a bit." She knew they still had stuff to do, but she wouldn't be much use in this exhausted state and Mordin and Garrus were far more rested anyway. Plus, she felt beyond grimy.

"Get Mordin to patch you up, then tell him to join us."

"Roger that."

Inside the shuttle Mordin wasted no time and applied some medigel on her arm. "Will be fine, but suggest visiting med bay later."

She nodded, and let him leave her in the shuttle alone, her head falling back onto the headrest of the seat. She's always found the salarian an interesting one. A former operative of the STG, scientist, and all around genius. She'll be the first to admit that there was a time when she didn't take salarians seriously. Not as a formidable combat force at least. She knew better now.

The silence was comforting and as the adrenaline left her bloodstream, a dull ache took it's place. God, the things she would do for a steamy shower right now. Also a proper bed. And a warm homecooked meal. Granted, Gardner was an okay chef and with the better rations the food was good, but it still wasn't perfect. Sometimes she missed having a proper home, a proper life. Occasionally, she'd daydream about what it would be like to live a life without adventures like this, a life without danger. Would Thane want a life like that? To settle down and live like ordinary people? Would she?

With a tired groan she leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. Her eyes fell on her injured arm. Would anyone believe that the 3 of them took down a thresher maw on foot? Probably not. She'd certainly be skeptical.

"Hey EDI. Could you send the vids of the arena fight to my omni-tool?"

"Right away."

"Thanks."

Well, if anyone doubted it, she'd have the video evidence to shut them up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have found that I'm not good with fight scenes, lol.


	9. Fear of loss

The door to life support opened revealing Shepard on the other side.

"Do you have time to talk?"

"Yes, I have just finished my meditation. Join me."

Thane motioned to the chair opposite of him, and Shepard took a seat with a nod.

"How are you feeling?"

"I am well, Shepard. You needn't worry."

"What about Kolyat? How are you two getting along?"

It warmed his heart that Shepard was so invested in his family and personal well-being. Thane felt gratitude for the earnest friendship of the commander. It was so easy to forget the feeling of somebody caring about what happens to him, the thought never truly being foremost in his mind.

"It seems he is more at ease, though there's still a lot to discuss. Our problems aren't something I can fix with only a few words. Of course, I am glad he is willing to mend our relationship at all. And you? You are well?"

A tired sigh came from in front of him.

"Today's been exhausting to be honest. It's been a while since I fought a thresher on foot, but at least I got to reunite with an old friend and catch up."

Shepard stretched a bit, seemingly nonchalant about the day's events. Thane on the other hand was rather intrigued, leaning forward in his chair, placing his hands on the table.

"You fought a thresher maw on foot? That is... impressive."

"It happened a few times back in the Alliance days too actually. Mostly on remote planets. Today brought back those times a bit but I'm glad I never had to do it alone. Grunt and __(y/n)__ were there with me today too. It was a tough fight, __(y/n)__ got injured. Then we got ambushed before we could take a breather. We had to jump from one fight straight into another."

His mind blocked out most of what Shepard said after he heard her name and the news of her injury. Panic flashed across his face as his previously relaxed position switched to tense, hands firmly balled into a fist. He raised a pair of worried eyes at Shepard, his voice cracking, betraying his distress as he spoke.

"__(y/n)__ is hurt? How badly?" The words came out rushed, though he tried to keep his composure. Surely she had to be fine, otherwise the commander wouldn't be so calm.

The reaction took Shepard by surprise. It was rare seeing Thane distressed, the last time Shepard remembered being the day Kolyat was about to assassinate Joram Talid. Looking up, a pair of dark eyes were waiting for a reply impatiently. The commander raised a hand to calm him.

"It's nothing too bad, some of the maw's acid got on her arm, but her armor caught most of it. She should be fine."

Thane let out a relieved breath and closed his eyes, nodding as his hands relaxed.

"That is... good to hear."

But now it was Shepard's turn to be intrigued.

"Why so concerned? I mean, she's a crewmate, sure, but the last time I saw you two interact she almost jumped your throat. Is there anything I should know?"

Shepard vaguely remembered one of their previous discussions where Thane had mentioned his wish for a second chance at life and even love, which Shepard supported full-heartedly of course, but they thought Thane meant it in a general sense. The drell wasn't exactly old yet and if he was lucky, he'd still have time after their mission, they just had to survive it. Now it seemed like he already had someone specific in mind.

Thane seemed lost in thought for a moment before turning his gaze back to Shepard. They were friends, and Thane trusted Shepard. He's told the commander so much about himself already.

"I suppose it doesn't hurt to tell you. __(y/n)__ and I... we have come to care for one another and found comfort in each other's arms. Though not immediately of course." He studied Shepard's face for a moment, then continued. "That day when we stopped Kolyat, her words struck me. I was angry and ashamed and afraid I would lose my son. When we succeeded, I still found myself unable to move on and forget. I have watched her, I've tried... to understand. Later, I've found myself yearning and I made my feelings known."

He stopped for a few moments again, recalling the confused expression on her tear-stained face as he confessed to her. She was mourning her unrequited love for Shepard that day, but Thane didn't think he was the one who should tell the commander. He continued.

"__(y/n)__ has brought peace to my mind. I believe the love we share is deep, and it brings me joy."

Shepard was surprised and perhaps a bit baffled, but otherwise supportive. Finding love in a galaxy so vast was no easy feat, especially not to them, given their current predicament.

"Well, I'm glad you two found each other and... made up." The commander smiled, then continued.

"I'm surprised she didn't tell me though. We've talked a lot, I thought she trusted me more." Shepard sounded somewhat disappointed, but there was an understanding glint in their eyes.

Thane knew why she didn't talk to Shepard of course and it wasn't just her reserved nature, it was the feelings she held for the commander that hindered her the most. Sometimes he wondered whether he would be able to fill the void Shepard left in her heart unknowingly. He hoped and wished he could.

"Not everyone is comfortable discussing their personal affairs, even with friends and family. It took time for me to open up to you as well. Of course, I greatly appreciate these chats we have."

"The feeling's mutual Thane." A sigh left their lips as they stood up, ready to leave. "Well, I should go. We'll talk later."

"Of course, Shepard."

With a nod, the commander was gone, leaving him to his thoughts once again.

He couldn't help but still be worried. Of course it wasn't rare to get injured during assignments, but the thought still troubled him. She was strong, Thane knew that. Shepard and Cerberus knew it too. She moved with determination and purpose on the battlefield, aim precise and lethal, her biotic powers adding to her formidable status, but they were up against the unknown here and part of him was afraid to lose her, no matter how well she stood her ground. 

He's already lost a partner once and it left him broken, his grief clouding his judgment, causing him to leave Kolyat behind and pursue vengeance instead. He had no doubt that Irikah would be disappointed in him. It was supposed to be his duty to take care of Kolyat in Irikah's absence, but he was weak. And he almost lost Kolyat too, the only good he's ever added to the galaxy.

Thane feared loss more than anything and though his body's inevitable end weighed heavily on him, he'd gladly die knowing his loved ones can live on.

He contemplated checking on her to calm his nerves, but he didn't want to disturb in case she was resting. Perhaps later he would. For now, he chose to immerse himself in memories to soothe his racing thoughts, a bright flash entering his mind as the images started playing out in front of him.

_Tentative fingertips trailing his skin as the light reflects in her curious eyes, soft breaths caressing his face. His hands brushing her neck, cold fingers tangling into silky tresses. The quiet hum of the lights drowned out by faint gasps before he claims her lips, her taste on his tongue intoxicating. Time seemingly standing still. His spine tingling with anticipation and desire as her arms wrap around him, enclosing his body in a heated embrace._

The memory ends and leaves him longing, the sensation tricking both his mind and body. So vivid, so real. Good memories like this have helped him through many difficult times when his life seemed grim and beyond hopeless. Of course there were days when his worst experiences came haunting him, the horrible images keeping him from a restful sleep, but today he was lucky.

Today, his mind would be filled with her, and her alone.


	10. Heart to heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard knows what's up and the time to come clean is now.

At Shepard's (and earlier Mordin's) insistence, __(y/n)__ dropped by the med bay after the group returned to the Normandy. Of course not before taking a steamy shower and putting on a clean outfit first. Dr. Chakwas confirmed that the injury was negligible and it would only leave a very faint scar at most.

She was back in her room now, browsing armor catalogues. She'll have her damaged one patched up, but there was need for a new one anyway. Her eyes fell on an intricate design, no doubt inspired by asari aesthetics. It was matte black with shiny silver details around certain parts like the collars, upper arms and shoulders, and running down the full length on either side of the legs. It was a beautiful piece, but then she looked at the price and almost choked.

'This better have good stats, otherwise it's just plain robbery!'

The armor boasted great stats indeed, the newest and best shield generator, support for tech and biotic barriers, great elasticity for easy movement, and so on. She was seriously thinking about getting it now, it was leagues better than her old armor, though a tad bit more formfitting as well. Luckily, it didn't look obscenely tight, the image of Miranda's outfit swiftly flashing before her eyes. Though to be fair, it looked amazing on Miranda and as long as the Cerberus operative liked the tight outfit, she had nothing against it. She'd just never be comfortable wearing something like that herself.

She chose the size, then hit buy and let the transaction go through, requesting her armor to be delivered to the Citadel. She'll pick it up the next time they're there.

A knock came from her door and she sat up quickly before answering.

"Come in."

Shepard stepped into the small room, taking a seat on the single chair near the corner. __(y/n)__ looked at the commander, the expression on Shepard's face was unreadable.

"So, how are you?" The commander broke the silence.

"Fine. Dr. Chakwas said it's only a minor injury. It won't affect my performance, so don't worry."

"I'm not only worried about your performance you know. I'm worried for you as a friend."

Something was up, she could tell from Shepard's tone.

"Something wrong?"

"I just wanted to talk."

"Alright."

Then silence. She was waiting for Shepard to speak since she didn't have anything else to discuss, but the silence remained.

"Shepard?"

"You know you can trust me, right?" Immediate response.

"Of course."

Silence again. This was getting a bit tiring. And disconcerting.

"What's this about, Shepard?"

"I had a chat with Thane earlier. You know, I'm happy for you two."

Oh. _OH..._

"You could have told me though."

She gave a puzzled look to Shepard, but the commander spoke again.

"I know that it's not really my business, I get it, but we've had plenty of personal conversations before. I wasn't going to cast judgment on either of you. This isn't an Alliance vessel and even if it was, I'd still stand by my crew. My friends."

It almost felt like she was being lectured by a disappointed parent, but she understood where Shepard was coming from. She contemplated telling the commander many times, but always decided against it in the end. She'd have to tell the full story, including the feelings she had for the commander. Now it felt like she was a bad friend, someone who only stuck around in hopes of having their love reciprocated. It made her stomach twist in disgust. She wanted to be there for Shepard in every way possible.

Finally, she spoke up.

"You know it's not as simple as just telling you 'Hey Shep, guess what, Thane and I began dating!'. I don't even know if you could call it that to begin with. We sort of just... drifted towards each other. And it wasn't something I expected. I had my sights on somebody else."

She looked at Shepard, trying to tell them who it was without having to say it out loud. Her heart was beating so rapidly it almost jumped out of its place. Maybe this is how she'll lose a friend today?

The commander raised a single eyebrow before muttering a quiet 'oh'. She was painfully aware of just how bad this made her look, so she continued, hoping to shed more light on the situation.

"Don't get me wrong, I didn't need a replacement. It wasn't desperation either. I was content dealing with it on my own, but Thane caught me off guard in a moment of weakness and I couldn't stop thinking about it. About him... and we ended up like this." Her hands were gripping her thighs like she was holding onto dear life. "I do love him, even if the future terrifies me. If we even have one..." The words got less and less audible towards the end.

Shepard waited patiently for her to finish and once her words died down, the commander replied, their tone thoughtful.

"I didn't think it was that complicated, sorry."

"Yeah well, it is what it is."

So what's next? Many scenarios flashed in front of her, none of them good, but Shepard was usually very understanding, she hoped today would be no different. The returning silence was getting to her though.

"Alright." Shepard began, slapping their thighs as if to lighten the mood. "That clears things up. Next time just come talk to me. The mission is hard on all of us as it is and I know how you are. Don't start bottling things up. Plus, I could use a good heart-to-heart every now and then."

Shepard was smiling and she felt like a boulder just rolled off her shoulders. Though the awkward nature of her confession was still apparent. She doubted Shepard expected their own involvement.

"Sooooo, got anything else you want to get off your shoulders __(y/n)__? I've shared enough of my troubles with you in the past, you can do the same."

She sat back on the bed, leaning her back on the wall. There were many things, way too many. Maybe it was time to share some of those burdens.

"Do you think it's smart? Getting involved with Thane. Considering his condition... I mean, don't get me wrong, I know that the future is never certain or guaranteed, but..." There was no way to word it well, but her concerns were real and reasonable. To her at least.

"That's right, we all might as well die beyond the Omega 4 relay. You all joined knowing the risks. I promised to do the best I can to get everyone back safely, but a promise isn't a guarantee. The only thing that's sure is the here and now. Thane is still here and alive. Would it be better to just power through everything alone? Or hold onto what little joy and hope there's still left and give yourself a chance at happiness? I know for a fact the second option is much better." Shepard went silent for a moment, the images of fallen comrades and loved ones flashing before their eyes, their voice turning mournful.

"I've lost many important people in my life and I won't lie and say it didn't hurt, or does to this day, but I still wouldn't trade the time I've spent with them for anything. Don't get bogged down by what-ifs. If you let despair overtake you, you lose. And I need you at your best."

She never understood how Shepard could be so strong. She envied it sometimes, but Shepard also had many responsibilities. Not many people could deal with even a fraction of the things Shepard had to face. Sovereign, a rogue spectre, a whole geth army, getting spaced, reconstructed by Cerberus, being doubted and wronged by the Citadel council, even the Alliance dropped Shepard like hot coal. And now the collectors. It was one hell of a list.

__(y/n)__ sighed, recognizing the truth in the commander's words. Up until this point she let her doubts poison her every happy moment. Maybe it was time to stop. "You're right."

"Aren't I always?"

She smiled at Shepard teasingly. "Well, to be frank, you do have a questionable taste when it comes to certain things."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's borderline insubordination Ms. __(l/n)__."

Shepard's fake warning tone was paired with a mock hurt expression and a dramatic hand on the chest.

"I was told this wasn't an Alliance vessel, Commander. My sincerest apologies." Her respectful tone was just as fake.

"Well, alright. I'll let you off the hook this once, but consider this a warning."

She loved moments like these, where they could just forget about everything and act like ordinary people. It became more and more difficult to find a sense of normalcy as time passed, so every bit was much appreciated.

"Now that the pep talk's over-" Shepard gave her a pointed look "-how's it going with you and Mr. Calibrations?"

The grimace was followed by a snort. "You know, I might just start calling him that. I swear he likes that damned gun more than me."

Poor Shepard, but this explained the grumpiness of the past few days. She let out a little laugh at the commander's complaint though.

"Vakarian's thickheaded enough not to see the problem unless it's kicking him in the face. Reading people isn't his strong suit. You'll probably have to drag him away from the gun." She was joking of course. Well, mostly. Garrus even fell asleep by the gun sometimes from what she heard.

"I'll probably do just that if he keeps this up."

Their lighthearted conversation lasted for a while, before Shepard left, but the effect of their talk remained. It's been a while since her heart felt this light and while the doubts and uncertainty won't fade so easily, she could at least let go of some of the tension.

She knew she'll have to learn how to rely on others, but that's easier said than done. She had to spend a long time alone and after a while, it was easier to just make herself believe it was exactly how she preferred to live and work. Alone. No fear of abandonment, no fear of losing anyone or causing another's demise. If she died, it would be alone. No one to miss or mourn her, just fade into nothing like she's never existed to begin with. There was a time when this thought would bring comfort to her, but times were changing.

She has found companionship, people to care about and people who care about her. Her eyes have also been opened to see the greater picture, the looming dangers lying ahead. A great storm was brewing overhead and the chances of survival were higher together, than all alone.


	11. Saving Tali'Zorah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard goes to Haestrom with Thane and his Siha to retrieve Tali. This chapter is LONG. I tried making it shorter and I ended up adding 600+ additional words HAHAHA. Also there's a not-so-NSFW bit towards the end. No full-blown smut, but some passion nonetheless.

"Shepard, our data indicates Tali is somewhere in these ruins. There's substantial geth activity and an environmental hazard; solar radiation on Haestrom is at dangerous levels. Exposure to direct sunlight will damage your shields. ETA is 2 minutes." 

"Thanks EDI."

"Of all the places, you bring me here. And I even put on my shiny new armor." __(y/n)__ was pointing to the new outfit, which happened to be mainly black. Juuuust the perfect attire for a planet with an overzealous sun.

Thane's eyes wandered her body from next to Shepard and he wasn't at all disappointed by the view. He even found her frowning face pleasant to look at.

"Just avoid direct sunlight and keep to the shady areas." Shepard said before exiting the shuttle, the other two following suit.

A short walk led them to a large gate, and a small room next to it. The quarians inside were all dead, and so were the geth. Quite a grim welcome.

"Be ready for anything when we cross the gate."

Shepard's instincts were right. As soon as they took a step beyond, a geth dropship appeared, delivering a handful of troopers. They all moved behind cover, ready to dispatch the enemy. She already had her biotics primed and gun loaded with disruptor ammo and the others were just as ready. The fight was finished quickly as the geth only sent a small welcome party, clearly underestimating the invading group. For now at least.

"Expect more to come."

As they pushed onward more geth came, but she didn't find them nearly as disturbing as the collectors. Maybe it was because they were made by organics? She couldn't really tell. Of course only an idiot would underestimate an opponent that nearly wiped out an entire race.

Her pondering was interrupted by finding more dead quarians but this time one of them had a radio and someone was still alive on the other end of it.

"This is Commander Shepard of the Normandy. Can we provide assistance?"

The man introduced himself as Kal'Reegar, the squad leader of the quarian marines. Seemingly there were still a few of them left putting up a fight against the geth. Unfortunately, Reegar wasn't exactly well informed about the finer details of their mission and could only provide general information. They'll have to make do with that for now. Going blind into situations was pretty commonplace for the Normandy crew at this point.

"What's the status of your team? How many of you are left?"

"We were a small squad. Dozen marines, plus the science team. We're down to half-strength now, made the synthetic bastards pay for it though."

She shook her head slightly, whatever the quarians were after better be worth it. They've already run into a number of dead and there will likely be more. They could still hear shooting from the distance, but she suspected the geth were more at an advantage here.

"How are you holding up? We can be there in a few minutes."

"We're bunked down at base camp across the valley. I left Tali'Zorah at a secure shelter, then retreated to hold the chokepoint. Getting Tali out safely is our top priority."

A geth dropship interrupted the conversation, destroying the remaining quarian forces ahead and blocking the way with rubble. Of course the situation just had to get more complicated; more dead, more enemies, more obstacles. She really should start getting used to this by now, Shepard was a danger-magnet.

"Grab the demo charges nearby and use them to clear a path. The geth are coming, I need to fall back." 

"EDI, locate the charges and put them on my radar. We'll take care of the geth reinforcements."

"Heads up Shepard, cloaked geth hunter ahead." Thane warned.

They moved into cover again, pushing ahead bit by bit as they got rid of the geth in their way before reaching a wider area and a small building to their left. It was guarded by geth of course. A huge number of them in fact. They were swarming the place.

She moved out of cover to shoot the new arrivals, but a loud bang distracted her. Thane was using the other side of her cover to snipe the geth hunter from afar. She moved back behind the sturdy stone. "That gun of yours has one hell of a sound." She raised her gun again, taking out a few troopers before ducking back, letting her shield regenerate.

"My apologies. I didn't mean to startle you, Siha."

Another loud bang. Another hunter down. Damn, he was a good shot.

She replied with a hum, her eyes falling on his well-built body. Seeing Thane in action made her heart flutter with excitement. His aura intense, his aim unwavering, his muscles twitching with every shot... But this wasn't the right place, and certainly not the right time to get distracted. She broke her gaze away from Thane and moved closer to the building, picking off the remaining enemy.

As the gunshots quieted, Shepard retrieved one of the demolition charges. One more to go.

The sound of metal hitting concrete reached their ears. "AMBUSH!" __(y/n)__ yelled, and quickly ducked behind a wall, Thane and Shepard doing the same.

"THESE DAMNED GETH DON'T KNOW WHEN TO GIVE UP, DO THEY?" Shepard yelled back.

"That data must be really valuable."

The arrival of a geth prime signaled the end of the conversation as the group focused all their firepower into taking it down before it could get too close. The thing was huge and packed a crazy punch. Now THIS one wasn't an enemy she'd want to get cornered by. A few seconds, and many shots later, Thane delivered the final blow and the synthetic fell to the ground unceremoniously. She turned towards Shepard, pointing a finger in Thane's direction.

"Not to complain or anything, but he's stealing every kill."

Shepard let out an amused snort. "There will be more, you just gotta beat him to the punch. Let's get moving." 

A disappointed sigh left her lips as Thane's arm came up behind her and his lips hovered near her ear. "I will leave the next one to you, if you wish."

Cheeky bastard.

She gave him a playful shove before breaking away from him, catching up to Shepard.

Retrieving the second demolition charge proved no more difficult than the first, though it took a bit longer. After they found their way back to the blocked off area the explosives were set, and they watched the explosion from a safe distance.

The room beyond held no life. Shepard took a look around before the voice of Tali hit their ears. She stayed behind with Thane, checking for survivors but finding none. She stood up with a heavy sigh. If what Reegar has said was true, the number of live quarians was running low.

"What are you doing here, Shepard? We are in the middle of geth space."

"I was in the neighborhood. I thought you might need a hand."

Tali's voice was filled with relief, she was no doubt happy to see Shepard but they were still separated by a locked gate. With Tali's help, they passed through, only to be faced with possibly the peskiest enemies; recon drones. They were small, fast and there were many of them. Joy. She pushed one of the drones into another, knocking them out of the air, then switched to her pistol. The area around them wasn't the most beneficial either. Lots of architecture, mostly exposed to sunlight and the shady areas were tight and dark. Ideal setting for a horror vid. It took a while to make a dent in the drone population, and the fight wasn't over yet.

"GETH PRIME AHEAD!"

Thane and his eagle eyes.

She grabbed another drone and pushed it into the rapidly approaching prime, the small electric shock slowed it down for a few seconds. They used the spare time to take down the rest of the drones, then moved to focus on the larger enemy. She quickly switched to her gun and delivered the final blow.

"HA!"

It felt good, even if it wasn't a competition. Well, not unless Garrus was around. The turian was possibly the most competitive out of all of them. She'd lie if she said being surrounded by so many well-trained people didn't make her feel a bit left out sometimes, even if she knew that she had a place among them. Every victory up until this point was a team effort.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Shepard lifting the security lockdown, and with it the large metal shutters. What awaited them on the other side was... a less than pleasant surprise.

"Watch out! Colossus!"

It was Thane who reacted first, yanking the other two down to the ground, barely avoiding the shots of the giant hunk of metal.

They hurried down as soon as they recovered from the fall and found an injured Kal'Reegar crouching behind a sturdy looking wall. They hunkered down by the quarian’s side.

"Squad Leader Kal'Reegar of the Migrant Fleet. We talked on the radio."

Another blast came from the colossus, the impact shaking their cover.

"Tali's inside over there-" Reegar continued "the geth killed the rest of my squad and they're trying to get to Tali. I've only been able to draw their attention."

She peeked over the wall before pulling her head back down. There were a LOT OF geth to get through. Possibly more than they've defeated up until this point. They were damned determined to get through to Tali too.

"Is Tali still alive?" Shepard asked what all of them were wondering.

"The observatory is reinforced, even the geth will need time to get through it. Plus, it's hard to hack the door when someone’s shooting rockets at you."

Reegar informed them about the colossus and its self-repair program, before offering to be a distraction while the 3 of them got close enough to take it down. Reegar was injured though, his idea would likely end in dying. There was also the decision of which direction to approach from.

She turned to Thane, while Shepard was busy talking to the quarian.

"Which way do you think we should go? I vote for the left. The geth we can handle, but a direct shot from the colossus might be problematic."

"I'd prefer approaching from the right side. It offers clear view of the enemy."

Of course he'd choose the sniper spot, she was more of a mid to close range fighter though, even if her biotics could cover long-distance attacks. They’ll also have to time their movements if they go that way and avoid sunlight.

"Yes, but it's also mostly in direct sunlight. Losing your shield while a colossus is firing at you is less than optimal."

Their discussion was interrupted by Shepard's raised voice.

"Stay down Reegar, you've done enough. You don't need to throw your life away!"

Of course. Shepard would never let anyone die if they could help it, but Reegar was adamant and the commander had to grab him to get the point across. Men and their bloody pride. Or was it just marines in general? They should learn that they are far more useful alive than dead. Ah, but they'd tell her that it's worth dying for a good cause. She wondered whether any of them actually believed that, or just blindly followed along. Besides, you can't protect anyone from beyond the grave.

Shepard turned back to the two. "We'll make our way up the ramp. Make sure to take out the enemies down here so they can't flank us. Also, mind the sun." Then the commander was gone in a flash, already running ahead guns blazing.

"I guess that settles it then." She said, before sprinting after Shepard, taking cover before landing a fatal blow on a rocket trooper.

The small team made their way up, moving from cover to cover as the enemy numbers decreased steadily, soon only leaving the colossus.

"Focus fire on the colossus! Switch to incendiary ammo once its shield is down!"

Shepard's previous experience fighting the geth was of great use here and the colossus was taken down without much trouble. Tali's relieved voice broke the momentary silence, and the team was face to face with the young quarian, at last. It was time to finally get some answers and welcome her to the team.

~~~

Tali joined their group, leaving Kal'Reegar to deliver the data to the Migrant Fleet. As expected, there were no other survivors. It will take years to analyze the information and even then, it might be for nothing. Even the Flotilla was willing to send their own to their deaths for scraps of information it seems.

Back on the Normandy, __(y/n)__ headed straight to her room, Shepard taking Tali to Deck 3, neither realizing that Thane didn't follow.

Opening the door to her room a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, hard body pressing to her back.

"Can I at least remove my weapons?" She asked, smiling.

Thane let go of her, but as soon as the guns were off, his arms were once again around her.

"What's with you today?" She asked, turning around to face him.

Unbeknownst to her, his eyes were following her around all day, watching every move eagerly. Part of him wanted to make sure she was safe at all times, but she needed no protection at all. In the end, her fluid movement across the battlefield stirred something in him, making it difficult to break away from her sight. He also didn't miss out on her momentarily distracted gaze. Of course he was patient enough to wait until they returned, but now that they were all alone, he could wait no longer.

"I find myself lost in you time and time again. You captivate me, Siha."

There was a fire behind his dark eyes that made her knees weak. Thane was so honest about his feelings while she rarely voiced her love, only letting her actions speak for her.

With careful hands, she guided Thane to take a seat on her bed, straddling him. Her lips were hovering above his, but instead of moving in for a kiss, she moved her head to the side and placed a soft peck on the corner of his mouth. She was glad to have him here. They both witnessed a lot of deaths today, and having one another so close and alive made them grateful. It felt like a privilege. It probably was.

She began trailing kisses along the red skin of his cheek and down the side of his neck, letting her fingers travel to the back of his frills. A deep groan came from him as her mouth found an especially sensitive spot. She ran her lips over it again and again, each time earning a pleased sound. God, she loved his voice.

Her lips came up to capture Thane's in an open-mouthed kiss as his fingers were rubbing circles on her back, the sensation making her shiver with anticipation. After a few heated moments, she broke away from him.

"Spend the night here with me, Thane."

He could never deny such an upfront invitation, his body was already painfully craving hers.

"Gladly."

As soon as the words left him, her mouth was on his again. He slowly laid her down onto her back, her smaller body now trapped underneath his. A cage of muscle all around her. Enclosed, no escape. Not that she wanted to. The hunger in his eyes made him look almost frightening and it made her insides tighten with excitement. He'd make her hold onto him and call out his name in pleasure all night, claiming her again and again, until they would both fall asleep thoroughly exhausted and content.


	12. Unexpected call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some (imo) mild mention of blood/gore ahead.

A nightmare woke her from her sleep, the image of Shepard's dead body twisted out of shape, laying face down on a pile of corpses still vivid in her mind. She sat up on her bed, drenched in cold sweat, her chest feeling like it was being crushed by something heavy. It's been a while since the last time she had a nightmare. She was still a kid back then. It was ironic, really. Her life has taken many dark turns since then, and yet not a single nightmare came from any of those events, until now.

She took a deep breath in hopes of calming her senses. It was all too realistic, the stench of decay invading her lungs, the mangled remains squishing unpleasantly under her bare feet, and the all too familiar bodies sticking out of the pile, the utter hopelessness lingering in the air around her.

Her head sunk down to her knees. She was shaking, but it was only a dream, not reality. She had to calm down.

Standing up she reached for a glass and filled it with water from the bottle next to her bed. The sleep faded from her eyes completely and she didn't feel like falling back asleep anyway, afraid the nightmare would continue. In an hour or two the rest of the crew would wake up anyway, and a new day would start aboard the Normandy. A few vids should be enough to make her forget until then.

~~~

The day was going slowly, Shepard only needed her for a small mission and the Eclipse mercs weren't much of a challenge. It was enough to let her forget about the nightmare though, plus she had a chance to take a closer look at how Miranda handled combat situations, and she had to admit, the woman was fierce. Hopefully she'll never have to face her as an enemy. Not that the familiarity would make her hesitate even for a split second. No. Survival instincts overrode sentimentality, but she'd still feel remorseful fighting her. Miranda was a strong biotic, probably stronger than her, but she was much better at hand-to-hand combat and handling weapons than the Cerberus Operative. If she lasted long enough for Miranda to exhaust her biotics, she'd have the upper hand.

The thoughts of a hypothetical fight were interrupted by EDI.

"There's an incoming call from an unsecure channel to your omni-tool, __(y/n)__."

"Oh? Can you tell where it's from?"

"It's coming from the Citadel. According to the encryption, it's relayed from a C-Sec comm channel."

What the hell? She's never had any business with C-sec from what she could recall. Aside from standard stuff while on the Citadel that is.

"Patch it through."

"Should I also keep monitoring the connection?"

"Yes please. Never hurts to be cautious."

Curiosity will get her killed one day, she just knew it. At least EDI was here now. Though on second thought, maybe trusting the Cerberus AI wasn't exactly smart either, no matter how pleasant EDI was.

A small static noise came from her omni-tool, there was only silence on the other side even though the connection was there. No visuals, just sound.

"Hello?"

Now she could hear some nervous fiddling around before someone she didn't recognize spoke up. There was something familiar in their voice though.

"Are you __(f/n)__ __(l/n)__?"

"Who's asking?"

"Kolyat Krios."

Unexpected. Very unexpected. But it explains the familiar voice quality.

"Yes, that's me, but Thane's not here. I can have you patched through-"

"No. I want to talk to you."

Another surprise.

"Why exactly?"

She didn't want to be rude or anything, but the situation was a tad bit bizarre. What could they possibly talk about? The only thing they had in common was Thane.

"My father-" Figures. "He told me you two were... involved."

A nervous laugher left her before she could suppress it. At least neither could see the plain embarrassment of the other.

"I guess that'd be correct. Was he the one who gave you access to this comm channel?"

"Yeah."

Now that was interesting. Of course she figured Thane would talk to Kolyat about her, eventually, but giving him access to reach out to her? Why? Did Kolyat ask? Again, why? At least one of those questions would be answered soon enough.

The drell broke the silence. "Do you know about his condition?"

"I do, why?"

"And you still chose to be with him...?" His voice was low, likely a question he meant to himself but said out loud. She addressed it anyway.

"You chose to give him a second chance too."

He went quiet. This conversation was not going smoothly at all, though she didn't expect it to but there was only so much tension she could take.

"So, what's this about, Kolyat?"

He returned to his senses upon his name being called. "It's about his disease. Did he ever mention to you that he used to be on the list of a Kepral's treatment program? People on the list had a chance to get called in and receive experimental blood treatments. He never got any because he rescinded his consent years ago."

Son of a bitch. "No, I didn't know about that." Her voice held anger, though not towards Kolyat. Thane and her talked about his sickness more than once, and this program never came up. Now she just felt cheated. Could he possibly forget something like this? Was there a reason why he never mentioned it?

"So how do you know about this? Did he tell you?"

"No, but I did some digging and found some of his old records."

Huh, Thane's boy might be more resourceful than she's originally thought. Also putting his newfound C-Sec connections to good use. That, or he was trespassing.

"I told him what I found and we had an argument. He said he wouldn't have enough time left even if he re-registered, and that the treatments would be useless anyway! He doesn't even want to try! And now he's on this mission..."

He sounded hurt. Kolyat really did want his father back after all, like she suspected. Thane would be happy to hear this, but he's also continuously making stupid calls when it comes to his son. Still, Thane might be right about running out of time, no matter how dreadful that thought was. What if they got their hopes up and he still ended up dying? Wouldn't it hurt more, than if they accepted the severity of the situation from the beginning? Was she already starting to close her heart off to hope again? Or was it just logic? It was hard to tell at this point.

"So why are you telling me all this? I hate to say this but... he might be right. Lists like that prioritize certain people. The longer you've been signed up, the higher priority you are. Usually." Reality seemed very clear cut from her point of view, but now she wasn't so certain.

"So you're giving up?! Some love that is..." Kolyat's words were filled with venom, sending a surge of fire through her veins. Part of her was angry, this kid knew nothing about her and the struggles of her life, but she also knew that Kolyat was no stranger to loss either.

"What do you want me to do then?" Her voice was cold enough to send chills down his spine, but he knew what he was here to do and wouldn't let his will waver.

"Tell him to register again. It's the least he could do after all the crap he's done."

She went silent for a while. As his son, Kolyat had every right to be angry, Thane was still keeping things hidden from him. It seems from her as well. It made her blood boil, but to be involved in this? Sure, the urge to unleash another storm of fury on Thane was tempting but she also didn't know Thane's side of the story yet. Plus, Kolyat probably beat her to the punch anyway and if she knew Thane, their argument must have at least made him think. But here Kolyat was, reaching out to her for help. For all the preaching she's done to Thane and how he should focus on what's best for Kolyat, she was damn quick to disregard the information the younger drell just gave her. What a hypocrite.

Maybe she really should give it a try, even come up with a cohesive game plan to make this situation more beneficial. They might not succeed and still lose Thane, but Kolyat was right; they should at least try. And so should Thane. Her expectations and hope would need some managing though. One can fall the hardest from the clouds of Heaven.

A recent discussion floated into her mind, one she had with Shepard where a very influential someone was mentioned. This was a person with a very, very long reach. Maybe there was a way to use them... if they were lucky...

"Give me time. Don't tell Thane you talked to me about this, but keep pressuring him. If he brings it up to me, I'll take your side. I'll think of something in the meantime, put some of our resources to work. Maybe even pull a few strings. I'll let you know how it goes."

The sheer firmness of her voice took Kolyat by surprise. She left no room for questions and all he could do was agree to her terms. Could this be what his father saw in her?

"Alright. Thanks."

"Yeah, sure. I presume I won't be able to reach you on this channel in the future? Given that it's coming from C-Sec and all."

"How did you... yeah. I'll send you a link."

"Thanks. And just so you know, despite his less than adequate way of handling things, he deeply cares about you."

"...yeah, right."

The call ended leaving her in silence but she broke it with a heavy sigh. She was so tense the whole time that her shoulders were all cramped up now. On the other hand, being in the know regarding Shepard's plans was about to pay off. If her idea had any chance of success that is. They'll have to see. Until then, there was still plenty to do and nothing to lose.


	13. Plan ahead

Thane was once again faced with the ire of his son. Kolyat went out of his way to recover old records and throw the outdated information back in his face. If he was honest, he didn't understand the importance of any of it, but Kolyat treated it like another lie. Another reason to distrust him.

There was a time years ago when he was put on a list dedicated to those afflicted by Keplar's Syndrome, but the research went nowhere and in the meantime, he came to terms with his condition. It was also courtesy of his old hanar handler, but Thane had no interest in resuming his old profession, to kill on someone else's demand. Nassana Dantius was to be his last job, one he chose to complete on his own, until Shepard arrived and gave him new purpose.

But every single call, Kolyat brought it up and every time Thane dismissed it, it ended in yet another argument. Including today.

"You don't even want to try! It's as if family means nothing to you, just like in the past!"

"Kolyat, you know that is not true."

"Do I? Nothing you do proves otherwise!"

He felt so tired. None of his prayers have been listened to, his son still seemed disconnected and disgruntled with him. Of course Kolyat's worry for him wasn't left unnoticed and while he was glad his son cared, he also knew that reality was far more unforgiving.

After Thane's prolonged silence, Kolyat simply hang up on him and a deep sigh left Thane. He really didn't know what to do. Would it really soothe Kolyat to just have his name added to the list again? But Thane no longer had access to his old contacts and Shepard had more important problems to solve. The commander has already helped him with Kolyat and he didn't want to burden Shepard further.

Then, there was another thing; Kolyat asked to talk to __(y/n)__ a few days ago and he gave her comm link to Kolyat. He wanted to know why his son wished to talk to her, but their calls ended abruptly every time and the chance escaped him. She has yet to bring up talking to Kolyat, so perhaps his son decided against it. He didn't know what she would think if this information found its way to her as well. Would she also be angry? For now, she seemed to treat him normally.

These arguments were getting to him though. Kolyat was relentless and it began to erode his will. He wished to be there for his son and do anything he could, but he didn't want Kolyat to hold onto false hope. And what if he perished during the mission? Still, the thought of every future call ending in another fight pained him. Perhaps it would be the best to give in to Kolyat's request, if only to calm him. His defiance reminded him of Irikah and a fond smile found its way onto his lips; like mother, like son.

Though his old contacts were no longer available, his skills were still intact. It would take some digging around, but he had enough downtime to spare.

~~~

Her plan was to use either Liara or the Shadowbroker. She needed someone with contacts, possibly an all-seeing eye in every corner to find dirt on someone influential enough to then either persuade or blackmail into 'nominating' Thane as a viable treatment subject. She's done her research and even collected on a few old debts and acquired intel on much of the available new research. Some were promising, even though not a single one seemed to have a 100% recovery rate from the disease, the best was about 40%. Still way more than nothing though.

One subject, a 57 year old female, had a lung-capacity of 32% and dangerously low blood oxygen levels, but following a 15-week intense blood treatment the lung-capacity increased to 39% and the oxygen content of the drell's blood was back to acceptable levels. Of course most of the paper was gibberish to her, understanding this medical stuff was never her strong suit, but even she could comprehend that there was a way to offset the disease, or at least slow it down. It was highly tailored to the individual though, hence the lack of widespread usage. Something about introducing genetically modified red cells to the subject's blood stream and letting the healthy ones divide and overpower the faulty ones.

Her plan was a sleazy one though, but she wasn't exactly free of sin and this was about the life of a loved one, so she gave the idea a pass. This world has taught her to take the opportunity by the tail when it presented itself, even if it was less than ideal. The unfortunate truth was that her network of contacts was still severely limited, and as such, she needed outside help. She wasn't an information broker after all.

There was the problem of the how though; Liara was a close friend of Shepard's and could be asked nicely and if the asari had the free time to help out, then everything could be peachy. The Shadowbroker on the other hand was different; she could either go the traditional route and offer intel for intel, or wait a bit and let Liara's little hunt unfold and possibly use it to her advantage. Shepard has mentioned that Cerberus was looking into ways to stop the Shadowbroker as well, so it was going to happen sooner or later. She was hoping for sooner, rather than later, because the second option seemed a lot more viable and Liara would likely reject the request while she's tirelessly chasing after the Shadowbroker day in day out. Just like how Shepard's wish for Liara to join them was rejected.

Thane would not be in on the plan though, she wanted to figure out a way to make it seem... smooth, like it was another streak of good luck or something. There was no need for him to know about her involvement, he just needed to agree to go through with it. Easier said than done. She didn't know whether Kolyat has succeeded in getting him to seek out help at all, but if he has, then it means Thane is at least somewhat susceptible.

"We're done here. Let's go."

Shepard's words brought her back to reality, her eyes leaving the window looking out at the Citadel and the skycars passing by. With a nod, she turned to follow, Samara following suit.

The next time the Normandy swings by Illium, she'll make sure to make her next move and set the plan in motion and if the gods are willing too, maybe it will end in success.


	14. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time to corner the Shadow Broker has come, but things never seem to go according to the plan.  
> Massive chapter ahead.

Illium; the well-dressed sister of Omega. This bustling planet never ceased to amaze her. To the untrained eyes, this place seemed perfect, but to those who knew better, it was no less dangerous than Omega. The residents of the latter were more forward with their intentions in fact. If you happened to piss someone off on Omega, you'd know immediately, but here on Illium things were different. Only the smartest, most cunning, or most well-informed could make a nice living here. Or the insanely rich. That said, the opportunities here were a plenty. She's been here before multiple times. Work has brought her to many places.

The first time she's set foot on Illium was years ago and it was overwhelming. It's not the best place to get lost in. Many merc groups run business here and if one ends up in the wrong alleyway, they can easily get a bullet to the head. Even the busy markets aren't much safer. Every salesperson is out for a newbie's credits and getting scammed here can lead to a lifetime of debt, which in turn can lead to years of indentured servitude. Luckily, their business here was with someone trustworthy.

When Shepard announced that they were going to finally pay Liara a visit, she nearly jumped the commander to let her accompany them. In hindsight, maybe it was a bit too eager of her, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was here, and she could monitor the conversation personally. It made things easier. She can see what is really going on without having to ask later.

"I know you're looking for the Shadow Broker. Cerberus gave me information on where to find him. Interested?"

Score! Liara's eyes lit up like the neon displays of Zakera ward. She could tell the asari was more than simply interested.

"Absolutely! I had no idea... let me see what you've got!"

As Liara was looking through the information, her eyes went soft and sadness crossed her face. The image of a drell was on the datapad's display, she referred to him as Feron. A friend. _So her motives are personal._ All the more reason to help out, and not just for Liara's sake. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on her though. Help Liara recover Feron alive, so she could ask for help to keep Thane alive. But first they'd have to make sure Feron wasn't dead to begin with. Why would the Shadow Broker keep him around for over 2 years? Was he hoping for Liara to try and save him? If so, wasn't this all a bit too convenient? Cerberus just so happens to stumble upon data regarding the Shadow Broker's base... or maybe she was over thinking again. Not everything is a trap, even though Cerberus hasn't proven that otherwise so far. Oh well. As long as it helped her get to where she needed to be, it was fine, even if it was a bit manipulative. She would do anything for Thane, to have him around for longer.

They had a starting point now too. Kolyat called her a day or so ago and told her that Thane found a way to register himself into a Keplar's Recovery group, but they were of course informed that there were hundreds of applicants already on the list and that it may take years for Thane to receive any sort of treatment. He didn't have that much time to spare. Not even a year, much less more. Kolyat was distressed, she expected that much, even though she warned him and so did Thane, but unlike Thane, she had a plan.

The conversation between Shepard and Liara shifted away from Feron to Shepard's body. It was Liara and Feron who saved Shepard from the Shadow Broker, who would have sold the body to the collectors, and it was Liara who later gave the body of the commander to Cerberus. She had so many questions, but it's likely that Liara wouldn't know most of the answers. It was clear as day that the collectors had it out for Shepard though, and Liara took a great risk trusting Cerberus as well.

She took a look at Miranda standing next to her, she was listening to the conversation patiently. None of this seemed new to her. Of course it wouldn't be, Miranda was a well-informed woman, and the one who was in charge of the Lazarus Project. Hell, she was probably involved in all of it, one way or another.

Liara's voice caught their attention again, her conversation with Shepard was wrapping up.

"I need to prepare, to think. I'm going home."

"Let me help. I'll come by your apartment?"

"Okay, hopefully I'll have a plan by then. Thank you, Shepard."

As Liara left, __(y/n)__ turned to Shepard.

"What now?"

The commander shrugged, then pointed behind their shoulder. "We wait a bit. Check the markets, maybe grab a drink."

~~~

As they arrived at Liara's apartment, they were faced with a crime scene and no traces of Liara. She didn't like the look of this at all. "This can't be a good sign."

"Might be the Shadow Broker caught up with T'Soni." Interjected Miranda.

Shepard was already walking ahead of them, the worry becoming apparent in their hurried steps.

"What's going on?"

The cop stopped them before they could get any closer. "The area is sealed off. Please step back."

"Sealed off? Why?"

"Someone tried to kill your friend, Commander Shepard."

The asari who interrupted them was dressed in blue armor, unlike the cops collecting evidence. She dismissed the cops and ushered the 3 of them inside. Whoever this woman was, she gave off a weird vibe. It unsettled her.

"Tela Vasir. Special Tactics and Recon."

A Spectre, like Shepard. That explained the authority, but not the weird vibe. Why was a Spectre here to begin with?

"So, I assume you had business with your friend this evening, Commander?"

"Liara was following a lead on the Shadow Broker."

She shot a confused look towards Miranda, who only shrugged in response. Spectre or not, Shepard should be a bit more cautious giving information out so willy-nilly. They didn't even know why Vasir was here. At least the asari Spectre was more than willing to answer their questions.

"What do we know so far?"

"About 25 minutes ago someone took a shot at T'Soni. She stuck around for almost 4 minutes before leaving. Whatever she was doing must have been important."

Liara's body wasn't around, so she must have made it out alive. That was good news, but things got way more complicated once again. A heavy sigh left her lips. The universe was eager to mess up all of their plans and she wasn't happy about it at all. Now they had to find Liara and have Vasir tag along.

"Liara was expecting me. She would have left a message here, her office wasn't safe."

"I'm not surprised. Illium is just Omega with expensive shoes." Now, that is a statement she could agree with at least.

"Let me take a look around."

With a nod, Vasir let Shepard go and returned to her own search. Cautiously, __(y/n)__ tapped Shepard's shoulder and began talking, her voice nothing but a whisper.

"Are we not going to question why a Spectre is here? I'm sure they have more pressing matters than doing a cop's job."

Shepard only raised a single eyebrow at her questioningly. "We need all the help we can get. We have to find Liara." And with that, the commander was gone.

"Well, that's one way to say 'mind your own business' I guess."

Miranda only gave her a half-smile and a nod before the two of them returned to the door, making sure no one else could interrupt the unprompted Spectre investigation.

~~~

In only a few minutes, Shepard found a small disk with a voice recording. Looks like their next destination is Baria Frontiers. It also looked like Vasir's help was not needed at all, but she didn't feel like arguing about it with Shepard. The commander had good instincts, there was no reason to question it now, was there?

With Vasir's car, they made it to Dracon Trade Center but before they could reach the front door, a large explosion shook the ground. The windows shattered all at once and the force sent the sharp glass pieces flying, raining on them like tiny see-through blades. 3 entire floors were gone.

"Liara's in there!"

The blast knocked them back, the screaming drowned out by another couple of loud explosions. There were going to be a lot of casualties.

"What the hell is happening?!" She couldn't hear her own voice, her ears were ringing violently. As she stood up, she could see Vasir's mouth move, and then Shepard's, but still couldn't make out the words fully. Shaking her head a bit, she ran after Shepard.

They ran past the injured civilians, all of them just as confused as them, if not more. Whoever did this wanted Liara dead, no matter the cost. Inside the building wasn't any better either, the lights were flickering, the smoke obscured the view and the smell of burnt flesh overpowered their senses. Running past the dead bodies was the worst. So many lives lost and for what? She could feel her blood boiling, fingers tightening around her gun. "This is beyond fucked up..."

"We'll find whoever did this, and they're going to pay!"

The menace Shepard's voice held sent a chill down her spine. It was a promise, and she knew Shepard always kept their promises.

"Looks like we found them. Mercs up ahead!" Came Miranda's warning, and as soon as the last word left her, the mercs started shooting. Even though there were far more of them, they stood no chance. The small group tore through the wave of enemies quickly and pushed forward. None of them were in the mood to be stalled and anyone who tries to hold them back now, will be crushed without mercy. Of course, the enemy had no intention on making it any easier for them. With every rounded corner, more mercs were sent their way. This was going to end with one astronomical body count.

"Vasir, we're pinned down by mercs. There are many of them and they're well-armed."

"Say hello to the private army of the Shadow Broker, Commander."

It didn't sound like Vasir had quite the welcome party holding her up, there was no sound of shooting coming from her. Something didn't add up, but there was no time to contemplate now. They had yet another group of mercs to dispose of.

For once, she was glad to have Miranda around. Having another biotic made things a lot easier. They could take turns knocking down enemies while Shepard loaded them full with bullets. Private army or not, they were dropping like flies and the sound of their bodies hitting the floor was a satisfying one.

As they came up to a closed door, a single gunshot went off, and a bit later another. Behind the door Vasir finished off the last merc, but the salarian contact was also lying dead on the ground. Vasir came too late.

"Dammit. If I was a few seconds faster, I could have stopped them."

Something about her tone of voice was off. She didn't sound disappointed or concerned at all, but Shepard was laser focused on finding Liara and missed out on Vasir's strange behavior. Looking at Miranda, she knew the Cerberus Operative was thinking the same as her though. Miranda never bothered to lower her weapon fully, she was ready to shoot at a moment's notice. _So it's not just me. Something's off here._

"Did you find your friend's body?"

"You mean this body?"

Liara interrupted them, gun in hand. Miranda raised hers at Vasir too, __(y/n)__ following suit. _I knew it._ Both their instincts were right, Vasir had them fooled all along.

"This is the woman who tried to kill me."

Hearing this, Shepard grabbed their gun too but Vasir tried to sweet-talk her way out of it.

"You've had a rough day so I'll let this slide. Why don’t you put that gun down?"

"I saw you. I doubled back after I left. I watched you break into my apartment."

Out of the two of them, Liara was way more sincere and this information solidified that her gut feeling was correct; Vasir had no business being there in the first place. This made her angrier than before, if only she'd listened to her intuition. Her eyes narrowed, gun still pointing firmly at Vasir.

"You didn't know where Liara went because she hid the message. You needed me to find it for you."

"Yeah, thanks for the help, Commander."

Shepard saw the situation clearly now; it was Vasir who got the mercs to bomb the building, and it was her who killed Liara's contact and stole the disk. All those innocent lives were taken by Vasir; a Spectre, sworn to protect people.

Vasir blasted the window behind her and threw the sharp pieces at them, Liara's barrier barely deflecting the hit. As soon as the pieces landed, Shepard was on Vasir, tackling the asari to the ground and rolling off the edge. Vasir let Shepard take the hit, momentarily knocking the air out of them. There was no way they'd let the asari Spectre escape though. Not after all of this. Liara ran after her, leaving the rest of them behind.

"Shepard!" __(y/n)__ yelled and jumped down, dampening the fall with her own biotics, Miranda following suit. They watched as Liara blasted through a group of mercs, leaving them to deal with the rest of the backup.

"Dammit! They're getting away!" Shepard was back on their feet and the 3 started shooting again. Time was of the essence, they didn't have much to waste on these mercs and they all knew that.

Miranda ran ahead, clearing a path with her biotics, while __(y/n)__ followed behind her, making sure to neutralize the forces coming in from the side, offering Shepard an opening to go after Liara and Vasir without interruption. When all the mercs were done for, the two biotics followed.

"Nice!"

Cerberus or not, they made a good team.

The enthusiastic compliment earned a smile from Miranda as the two made their way down to Shepard, catching up to Liara and Vasir just in time; the two were in a stalemate, shooting at each other from the cover of a skycar. Vasir had called for backup though, and as soon as her ride arrived, she took off. Liara was already waiting for Shepard to get into the parked skycar. "Hurry up Shepard, she's getting away!"

"Miranda, get the Normandy ready! __(y/n)__ you're coming with me."

With a curt nod Miranda left, and the two got in the taxi cab, Shepard taking the driver's seat.

"You're driving?" __(y/n)__ asked, taking the backseat. She's heard of Shepard's driving skills from Garrus. This didn't bode well for them. "Dammit. No seatbelt."

Shepard shot a pointed look at her and started the car. "Wow, rude. Have some faith in me, will you?" And with that, the taxi jolted forward violently. Yeah, this is going to be a fun ride, she could tell.

"There she is, hang to the right- no left!"

"I'm on her."

Liara wasn't much calmer either. Come to think of it, T'Soni must be familiar with Shepard's driving. Why did she let the commander drive at all? __(y/n)__ was gripping both seats' headrest in front of her, holding on for dear life as the cab reached its full speed.

"We're not going to the construction site are-, oh Goddess!" Yeah, Liara had as much faith in Shepard as she did. Comforting. The heavy traffic didn't help their nerves either. __(y/n)__ was contemplating closing her eyes completely and hoping for the best, but for some reason she couldn't. It was almost as if her eyes refused to close out of fear. At least she'd see the inevitable. More time to prepare, right? If only she didn't outright forget how to blink.

"Go go go go go!"

"I'm going!"

"I think I'm going to be sick!"

"Traffic! Oncoming Traffic!"

"We'll be fine!"

Liara and __(y/n)__ took turns getting panicked, but Shepard seemed to have the time of their life. At least one of them was.

"She's dropping proximity charges!"

"What sort of weapons does this thing have?"

"It's a taxi. It has a fare meter!"

"Wonderful."

Shepard's and Liara's back and forth would have been mildly amusing under any other circumstance, but right now, __(y/n)__ couldn't find it in herself to be merry. Too busy trying to hold on. Also too busy keeping her stomach from jumping into her throat, escaping her body. Her death grip on the headrests turned her knuckles white and what she saw and heard next, made her grip tighten even more if possible.

"Truck!"

"I know."

"TRUCK!"

"I KNOW!"

When Liara whimpered a bit, __(y/n)__ couldn't help but let out a nervous laughter. Her only comfort now was that she wasn't the only one fearing for their life.

"There we go."

"You're enjoying this!"

"At least one of us does."

After they successfully evaded another truck, they finally caught up with Vasir, but the asari Spectre wasn't about to give up. Ramming her car into theirs, they almost collided with another cab.

"This son of a b-"

"Shepard!"

"Are you going to knock her out?" __(y/n)__ needed to know, she wanted to brace for it. At least mentally.

"That's the plan."

_Great._

A few more bumps later Vasir collided with another car, losing control of her vehicle and crashing onto the balcony of a building. The chase was over, and both Liara and __(y/n)__ were glad for it. The latter spoke up after she let out a huge breath of relief.

"Shepard, you're a menace."

"Hey, I got us through just fine!"

"Yeah, I imagine even our guardian angels were shaking the whole time."

Solid ground, at last. She almost wanted to kneel down and kiss it, but that would have been too dramatic. It's not like they had much time for it either, Vasir's merc backup arrived. Again. "I wish she broke her omni-tool in the crash." It was wishful thinking of course, and the words were lost in the sound of frantic shooting. Liara's singularity was a sight to behold though, and it also made targeting easy as the mercs were floating helplessly all bunched up together.

Just like the group before them, these guys didn't last long either and soon the group was on their way to Vasir.

"Let's hope we get no more rude interruptions. C'mon, Vasir got enough of a head start already." Shepard was already making their way through a building as the two followed behind the commander. Vasir's car was on fire, a visible trail of blood leading away from it. Liara was the first to notice it.

"Vasir got hurt in the crash."

"That should slow her down."

Shepard was right, at least the Spectre can't run fast or far anymore. She kind of deserved it too.

"Karma's a mean bitch, huh."

~~~

The blood trail led to a party with lots of people. If they weren't careful now, there could be more casualties.

Liara was the first to raise her gun. "Vasir, it's over." But the words didn't stop the Spectre. She grabbed one of the guests and pushed the barrel of the gun into the poor woman's throat. _Seems like she won't go down without a fight._

"All you had to do was walk away. Now it gets ugly."

Vasir's threat seemed serious. She already blew up the trading center; killing one more innocent to escape was likely a price Vasir was willing to pay. "I think she means it, Shepard."

The commander replied with a silent nod, exchanging a look with Liara before speaking up, their voice loud and confident.

"Do you really think I won't shoot the hostage if I have to? I left one of my men to die on Virmire. I'm a Spectre for a reason. You're not getting out of here alive, Vasir."

"You're bluffing!"

"Now, Liara!"

The table flew into Vasir with great force, knocking her down and letting the hostage flee unscathed.

"You son of a bitch." In the blink of an eye, Vasir crossed over to the other side of the platform.

"All that blood loss and she still has fight in her."

"She's a Spectre __(y/n)__, but she's not invulnerable."

They tried their best to weaken her, but she was quick. Liara's singularity could only slow her down for a few seconds and the others had to make every shot count. The merc backups that kept interrupting them from all sides were getting tiring as well, but their resilience paid off, Vasir was getting worn out. And quickly. Every shot that landed, opened yet another wound, and no matter how many times she hid to recharge her barrier, it would get stripped away quickly. The mercs that tried to divert the team's attention ended up flung off of the side of the building by either Liara or __(y/n)__, and the ones that evaded that fate, were faced with Shepard. Even Vasir had to admire the teamwork. If only it wasn't against her.

Vasir's barriers were gone now, the backups were fewer too, the private army was running low on able soldiers. If they held out a little longer, they'd get her down once and for all and this wild goose chase will finally end in their favor. This mission proved far more trouble than __(y/n)__ thought and it wasn't even over yet.

Liara's singularity finally trapped Vasir for good and the shots from all 3 of them proved to be more than the Spectre's body could handle. She slumped down powerlessly. "Damn it! Damn it." She had more blood around her than inside her body now. This was the end. They all knew it.

Without much regard to the dying asari, Liara removed the stolen datapad and began sifting through the data. Shepard shook their head in disapproval and took a step towards Vasir. Even with her last breath, the fading Spectre had no nice words to spare, not that any of them expected self-reflection.

"You're dead! The Shadow Broker has been in power for decades. He's much stronger than you think!"

"Is that why you sold out the Council to work for him?"

"You think I betrayed the Council, like Saren did? Go to hell! The Broker has given me intel that saved lives and kept the Council safe! If the Broker needs a few people to disappear, so be it. It's a small price to pay."

"Spectres don't blow up buildings with innocent people!"

The exchange didn't seem to go anywhere, both Shepard and Vasir were far too stubborn. Of course, Shepard's point was easier to understand for __(y/n)__, given their familiarity. Vasir didn't know why they were working with Cerberus, so of course she wouldn't understand. Even if she did, what did it matter now?

__(y/n)__ turned her back on all of them and checked her gun for any damage. The fight wasn't over, and they will only have a few hours of rest. She'll make sure to let Shepard know that she wants to be there aboard the Shadow Broker's ship too.

As she turned back, Vasir was already barely breathing, her eyes were closing and her gaze turned distant and unfocused. Life was seeping out of her quickly. It was a sad sight, even if the asari was responsible for many deaths today. It's one thing to end a life quickly, but watching life slowly fade from someone was different. Much more... grim. The last faces she'd see would belong to those who killed her. It wasn't an enviable fate. At least she wouldn't die all alone, though perhaps Vasir would have preferred that. They'll never know.

Liara walked ahead without a spare glance towards anyone, and Shepard soon followed. When __(y/n)__ looked back at Vasir, she was already gone. With a sigh, she followed Shepard. They have the data now, but the price paid was too high.


	15. An uneasy rest

Aboard the Normandy Liara retreated to Shepard's quarters to analyze the data further, while Shepard gave Joker the coordinates. Even though they were no longer blinded by adrenaline, none of them could relax fully.

Liara kept bouncing her legs all throughout the shuttle ride, while her eyes re-read every bit of the data countless times. __(y/n)__ had her own reasons to be restless; the mission could still go wrong in a million ways and for once, she had no plan B. Shepard was also tense, though __(y/n)__ couldn't tell why exactly. The commander could get over fights more quickly than any of them, so it had to be something else. Something personal. Maybe talking would help, they were friends after all.

"Everything okay, Shepard?"

"Yeah, I guess. It's just... today's been a lot."

"Wanna talk about it? We can have Gardner make us a mug of hot chocolate or something."

A little laugh came from Shepard. "Hot chocolate, really?"

"Yeah. Don't tell me you don't like it. I'm not sure I can stay your friend if you don't." She crossed her arms, giving Shepard a fake scowl, earning another laugh from the commander.

"That's strict. You'd drop me over hot chocolate?"

"In the blink of an eye. A girl's gotta have standards, Shep."

~~~

The two of them were sitting opposite of each other, the now empty mugs placed in front of them both. They've been talking for a while now, and just like __(y/n)__ thought, Shepard had a lot on their mind.

"I still can't believe Vasir would do that. Blowing up a building just to take out one single target."

"Not everyone has clear-cut morals like you, Shepard."

"Yeah, but she was a Spectre. Besides, it's not like I didn't have to make my fair share of difficult decisions in the past. I wonder how many of them are just like Vasir. Willing to kill innocents for the sake of a mission but I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. Saren didn't care about civilian casualties either. Even before he went rogue."

Likely a lot of spectres were like that, or worse, she thought. The Citadel Council is just as messy as all the human governments, no matter how hard they try to say otherwise.

"Honestly, I don't think the Council cares about that. They might just want people who'd do anything to get things done. Like Vasir said, they don't look too closely as long as the job's done. And as long as their ass is protected."

A snort came from Shepard, accompanied by a small head shake.

"Probably. God, sometimes I really hate politics."

A smile found its way to her face at Shepard's remark and she replied with a teasing tone. "You've chosen the worst possible occupation then. You're always surrounded by politics and bureaucracy. You're practically swimming in red tape every step you take."

"Tell me about it. I guess there's just no way around it, we need the Council's help if we want a chance to defeat the Reapers."

The Reapers. She wasn't around to see the attack on the Citadel, but even with the Council's constant refusal of the threat, some of the footage still survived and then, there was the amount of damage done to the Citadel. It was undeniable and frightening, and that was just one Reaper. Somewhere deep down she wanted to believe that the invasion would never happen, but every time Shepard brought it up, the sheer conviction of the commander blew that hope out the window. Shepard has seen something that none of them have; the vision from the Prothean beacon. She shook the thought out of her head.

"One step at a time. First we have to defeat the Collectors, and even before that, we have a Shadow Broker to deal with."

"I know. Then at least Liara can calm down too. The Shadow Broker is all she's been talking about lately." Shepard went silent for a while, then continued. "She used to be different, you know. I remembered her as a shy archaeologist, but when we met again I found a cunning information broker with ruthless determination. During the fight she didn't even bother looking back to see if I was doing alright or not. These 2 years sure have changed her a lot."

"I guess your death and then the hunt for your body took a toll on her. Made her... tougher and colder. Losing a good friend isn't easy, especially when you already have so few people left in your life, and she lost 2. It's difficult to survive without that loss changing you in some way."

"Yeah, I get that. I wish I was never gone to begin with. I've lost so much time."

It was difficult to imagine what Shepard must have felt and she never dared ask the commander about the experience. It would have been very insensitive, even if the topic did interest her. At the very least, she could imagine the amount of fear Shepard felt drifting in space all alone before they suffocated. Surrounded only by the silent and dark vacuum of space and the pieces of the destroyed Normandy. Completely helpless.

"You're back now, that's all that matters. As for T'Soni, she's probably just antsy. That drell friend of hers has been missing for 2 years. Who knows what state we'll find him in."

Shepard shook their head. "Don't even want to think about it. Guess we'll find out soon enough though. You know, you can rest up, I can bring someone else along. We've been through a lot today-"

Her eyes shot up and her reply came out far too quickly. "No, no. I'm fit for duty, don't worry."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, a smile spreading on their lips. They didn't understand the insistence, but the enthusiasm was nice nonetheless.

"Alright. ETA is 3 hours. Go and rest up. I'll go and check on Liara and the others."

With a happy little nod, she stood up and headed to her room. She'll need a few protein bars to get her strength back, but 3 hours should be enough to get her back up to speed. Maybe she'll check on Thane too before they depart again. She missed him.

~~~

Thane came down to her room before she could visit him herself. His arms were wrapped around her as soon as she stood up to greet him. His quick movement still surprised her.

"I'm glad you're safe, Siha. Shepard told me about the mission."

"Yeah. It didn't go as planned. It never does these days..." Her words were muffled by his shoulder, but she made no move to separate herself from him. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence as neither broke away from the embrace.

Thane made her feel more secure and loved than anyone or anything ever could. It scared her. On bad days when she felt hopeless, she'd contemplate what she'd do without him, though not to sabotage herself but to sort of... prepare for the worst. Funny how not too long ago she didn't even spare him a second glance. Back then, it didn't matter to her whether he lived or died. Times sure have changed.

"I'll leave with Shepard again. Once we arrive at the Broker's base." She broke the silence and let go of Thane, resting her hands on his chest. He looked at her with a confused expression.

"Shouldn't you rest?"

"I'm resting."

Thane could still see a troubled glint in her eyes. She was burdened by something. Something other than the happenings of today. Could it be because of Kolyat? Has his son finally reached out to her?

"Have you talked to Kolyat?"

She was taken aback by the sudden question and change of topic. Why was he asking this out of nowhere? Was she acting suspiciously? She regained her composure quickly before answering. "No. Why?"

Thane let out a sigh, though she didn't know if it was out of relief or something else. His body never seemed to betray his feelings, unlike hers.

"I have given him your contacts. He asked to talk to you."

"Oh... what about?"

She tried to sound curious, but it wasn't as convincing as she wanted it to be. Thane didn't seem to pick up on it though, or if he did, he kept it to himself. Unbeknownst to her, he was lost in his own thoughts, contemplating telling her everything Kolyat found. It would be better if she knew it from him, wouldn't it? He was prepared to face her anger, like he faced Kolyat's. He would understand.

"No, he didn't, but I believe I know the reason." He placed a hand on her arm before he continued again. "I spent most of my life doing what my body was asked to do until I met Irikah. When my condition was discovered, the hanar I served provided my name and contact information to a research group. Years passed, but it yielded no results. Later I asked them to remove my information from the database. I made peace with my body's death."

His hand returned to his side, eyes still looking into hers, trying to see into her mind, into her thoughts. She remained still, but he could sense the tension in her body.

"Kolyat has found this information and brought it up to me. We argued. In the end, I hunted down an old contact of mine to reinstate my status, but the chance may have already escaped me. My time is short, and they could make no promises. I apologize for only bringing this up now, I have forgotten about it until Kolyat brought it up and even after he did, I believed it was irrelevant."

Her gaze fell on his shoulder, she could no longer keep direct eye contact. This was nothing new to her at this point and even when Kolyat mentioned it, she assessed and processed the information quickly. She expected this exact result too even if she still wouldn't call it irrelevant. Not completely at least. It gave her an opening, a chance to help.

With a nod, she finally spoke up. "I see. I guess even a small chance is better than no chance." Her voice was unsure, even though she tried to keep it even. To Thane, it seemed like she was trying to process it all. He didn't realize that her behavior masked something else.

She took a step forward and embraced him again and he gladly reciprocated. It made him feel better to know that she was so understanding. Her heart on the other hand was filled with guilt, she was about to go behind his back and try to make the situation work out more favorably. It wasn't exactly honest, quite the opposite, but maybe Thane too will be accepting of her actions once he finds out. If he finds out.


End file.
